Our end of the year lists continue and we have saved the best for last. This is the list of the Best Things About 2017. Yes,this year wasn’t the greatest,but it wasn’t that bad. Keep scrolling,you’ll see. I do want to mention that this list is for entertainment purposes and should only be taken semi-seriously.
10. Rob Lowe as Colonel Sanders
If there’s a guy I enjoy seeing not just in a movie or a TV show,but in a commercial especially,it’s Rob Lowe. He,along with many others over the years, played Colonel Sanders this year and he was terrific at selling the chain’s new Zinger sandwich when it made it’s debut in April.
Unfortunately I did not get to try the Zinger,but if you did,thank Rob Lowe,he did a great job as Colonel Sanders selling it. I feel like this was his redemption moment after his DirecTV ads were unceremoniously dropped in 2015.
9. George W. Bush battling a poncho at the inauguration
A lot of people have forgiven this son of a bitch for being a bad president now that Donald Trump has taken that baton from him and sped off with it, but don’t forget that George W. Bush was and still is a stupid bastard and seeing him battle with a poncho at the smallest inauguration in history was hilarious.
It showed me that even at age 71, he’s still a moron and his presidency was awful and he was awful at the job,not to mention pretty dumb if he can’t operate a poncho. He couldn’t even chew a pretzel properly.
I still dislike this man greatly and it’s partly because of him that the bar for being President of this once-great country is pretty fucking low. He should be in jail.
8. Ted Cruz liking porn on Twitter
Back in September, the Twitter account of Texas senator and giant blob of crazy Ted Cruz liked a porn clip from the porn clip Twitter site Sexuall Posts and that like stayed around for a good day and a half.
It was probably the most awesome thing he’s ever done and honestly I wish he had owned up to pressing the like button himself on the clip,which in all honesty is something I think he really did and lied about and threw someone else under the bus for.
A lot of people watch porn,it’s understandable and if Cruz does,too,that’s fine. Who cares if he’s this evangelical Republican? He can get his rocks off,too,for some amateur Twitter porn. Unfortunately he has this moral compass getting in the way of telling us,the American people,the truth,but then again most politicians threw that thing away once they were elected. Go figure!
7. Vicente Fox
I’ll admit, trolls can be annoying sometimes,okay most of the time, but if there’s one troll I don’t get sick of,it’s former Mexican president Vicente Fox.
We’ve all seen the video of Fox telling Donald Trump that Mexico will not pay for “the fucking wall”, nor should they,but every now and then he would come out with a video mocking Trump and telling him how awful he is and I absolutely loved it.
Anyone who rails as hard as Fox did on Trump is somebody I’m not going to get sick of. It’s the asskissers that frighten me.
6. CATCH-ALL: Alternative facts and The Bowling Green Massacre
There are many people in Trump’s administration and cabinet that don’t ooze that sense of competence and Kellyanne Conway is one of them. She’s said a lot of stupid shit this year,as expected,but a couple of things she brought up stand out,and they’re on the list.
After Sean Spicer announced that the dismal crowd at the inauguration was the “largest ever to witness an inauguration. Period,” Conway decided to try and spin his words into something called “alternative facts”, which are also known to me and other people with a mind of their own as lies. That’s what Conway was trying to say and it backfired on her greatly.
Not only that,but she is also making up alternative facts of her own,namely massacres,citing the Bowling Green Massacre as one reason why the travel ban was needed.
The problem with that statement was that there never was a Bowling Green massacre. For the next few days and even after that, people were coming with stories on social media about where they were when the fictitious massacre happened and how they got through it.
The reason why this made our best list is because these Republicans try and pride themselves on “the truth” and not believing “fake news”,when in all reality they’re the authors of it and have written the definition of what an alternative fact is. Conway was just dumb enough to spill the beans.
5. Tomi Lahren’s firing from The Blaze and having to do videos from her white privilege mobile
Right wing talk show pundit and overpriviledged white girl Tomi Lahren was apart of The Blaze,an online news network owned by Glenn Beck at the beginning of the year,but then was canned (unfairly,I must say) by Beck after saying she was pro-choice,a big no-no if you want to keep your right-wing hatemonger card. For some reason she wasn’t allowed to be hired by anyone else until September so she decided to do videos in her Honda Civic or whatever the fuck it is she drives that was probably paid for by her mommy and daddy,kinda like her healthcare.
Honestly,I’m glad she had some sort of fall,albeit a brief one when she had to make videos from a parked car. It made me feel a lot better about my life and how I had a jonb and she didn’t. It was awesome. Now she is employed by a fake news agency in Fox News so she can spew whatever terrible views she has and her secret hate of black people,namely Colin Kaepernick.
If she came to my door in the middle of the night proclaiming her loneliness, I would not let her in. Her soul is ugly,yo! Can’t have that!
4. The Edmonton Oilers
After 11 seasons of futility from my favorite hockey team,the Edmonton Oilers made the playoffs and almost won the division for the first time in almost 30 years.
No,they didn’t win the Stanley Cup,but they left me with a lot of happiness this past April and May. They started their postseason run with winning their series with San Jose in six games and were one game away from the conference finals. It was a postseason that didn’t leave me disappointed,but hopeful,even with the current season not going so great,that things are looking up.
The best part of the postseason run by the Oilers was me getting to be in the same video with the great Mark Messier. That was pretty cool.
3. Saturday Night Live
2. The Los Angeles Dodgers NOT winning the World Series
1. Super Bowl LI
The best thing of the year was absolutely the Super Bowl. The Patriots were down by the score of 28-3,leaving me absolutely dejected. But it’s like they say,it ain’t over ’til it’s over.
The Patriots came back and there wasn’t much the Falcons could or were able to do to stop them.
Julian Edelman came up with probably the best catch where you had to think fast to not let the ball touch the ground. It’s the best catch I’ve ever seen in my lifetime.
The Patriots went on to win the first ever overtime Super Bowl and it was a marvelous comeback. One thing that I think helped was superstition. My friend Aaron had gone outside to watch the game and as soon as he did the Pats were starting to come back and he remained outside watching it until it was over. It was great and it was the best thing to happen in 2017.