Hello again!

This is the second part of our six-part series of the Things That Need to Go in 2015. Part One featured things like Bitcoin and The Westboro Baptist Church, our second part has just as much in store at Part One. A special disclaimer, this list is meant for entertainment purposes and is not meant to be taken too seriously. Does that sound good? I thought so, here we go!

80. Eyelashes on car headlights

Third year selection-2014:74,2013:41

This has made the list the last three years. When is this going to go away?

Your car is not a person, it does not need eyelashes at all. It’s getting to be borderline ghetto/white trash if you ask me. This is kinda like when people would put fake bullet holes on their cars or fake baseballs wedged in the window,it’s not funny or real. Get it off your vehicle!
79. People who think you can only barbecue during the summer

Second year selection-2014:85

We had this on the list last year and I still don’t understand why barbecueing is only a summertime thing to most people. It is possible to do this in the winter as well. Isn’t it just a good of time to have a barbecue when it’s cold,too? If you ask me,that’s a perfect time to have one because it’s cold outside and you want some nice,barbecued grub. If it’s good enough for NFL fans in cold weather cities like Buffalo,it’s good enough for me. You know?

78. Everyone who is “anti-vaccine”

First year selection

I don’t understand why some people are against vaccines. They kind of keep diseases like the measles and the mumps out of the world,which, by the way,have made a comeback because of these pukes.
You want to know how I know vaccines work? Because I don’t have either the measles or the mumps. I had the chicken pox once,but you’re supposed to get that!
77. The word “promposal”

First year selection

I hate when people combine words that have no business being combined,and promposal is one of them. It’s dumb and was probably invented by the same person who coined selfie.
Now,I don’t think the idea of the promposal is stupid at all. In fact, many of them are very sweet that I’ve seen,but the word itself is dumb.

76. April Fool’s Day

First year selection

You’re probably saying to yourself, “Seriously,T.J.?, April Fool’s Day? Come on!”

Yep. I am done with this stupid day. You can never believe a damn thing anyone says on that day. Also,people fake wedding announcements and pregnancies. Also,it brings people who really aren’t funny at all out of the woodwork. Not only that,but Alex Trebek is usually hosting Wheel of Fortune that day while Pat Sajak does Jeopardy! I don’t like change!

If you have something really important to announce,it can wait a day because if you announce it on April 1, nobody buys a word of it.

75. People who post pictures of themselves at shooting ranges on Facebook

Second year selection: 2014:67

We had this on the list last yar mainly because people were becoming so gun happy after Sandy Hook because they were so afraid that Obama was gonna take them away,that set off a chain reaction of people posting pictures of themselves firing guns at shooting ranges,which I thought was dumb. And by the way,I’m not impressed.

It’s not that I am against anyone having a gun, I’m not. I just don’t want to hear about it or see your damn pictures all the time on social media. Impress me by getting a Super-Soaker. Super-Soakers are cool and don’t kill people.

74. People who set off fireworks before or after July 4

First year selection

This has been a pet peeve on mine for a while. I’m fine with people setting off fireworks on the proper day,July 4,but before of after? Now you’re just asking for trouble. It’s troubling when you’re trying to get rest for a day of work when some jackass who lives behind you decides that 11:30 at night on a day that isn’t Independence Day is a great time to set off an M-80 (By the way,these are probably people who saved up enough money to go over state lines to purchase them,and also,they don’t have a job to go to).
I get about sick of it and it’s time this stopped.

Also, New Year’s Eve is not a good time to do that,either. Get a hint!
73. People who misspell words on purpose

Fourth year selection- 2014:90, 2012:14, 2011:19

This has made the list yet again and the reason why is because people get lazy when it comes to spelling. It isn’t hard,people!

When a guy like me who once had a 0.25 GPA in high school can spell,it isn’t a difficulty!

I’m thinking we might need spelling tests to be given beyond elementary school. I think middle school and high school students might need to take tests to prove they can spell. Maybe the SATs need a spelling portion. Something has to give when someone doesn’t know how to spell.

72. Miranda Sings

First year selection

I didn’t know who this person was until I saw an episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee that featured her as Jerry Seinfeld’s guest. I made it three minutes in before I stopped watching it. She was absolutely,positively not funny whatsoever.

And no,it’s not because I don’t get her “humor”, she just isn’t funny. Fast forward to last week when on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy,Jerry,Miranda,and Martin Short played Pictionary and even though my television was muted because I didn’t want to hear her talk,I can tell she was a buzzkill for the segment.

She almost makes me want Lisa Lampanelli on a Comedy Central Roast again,that’s how bad she is.

71. People who are over the age of 3 that use pacifiers

First year selection

This screams immaturity.

I remember a time when I was in middle school and there was a fad for a minute where girls were using pacifiers. It was an awful fad and it even came to our prinicpal’s attention and during morning announcements one day,he asked students to stop it.

This is something I still see to this day and it’s not cute at all. It’s even worse when it’s a grown-up doing it. I have news for any single woman who does this, you’re not going to get asked out by many guys,especially me. Immaturity is a big turn-off of mine and when I see a girl doing this, I’m moving on to the next one. Yikes!

Ah,what might have been!

70. Lakers fans who are still butthurt over the nixed Chris Paul trade in 2012

First year selection

I can’t believe that Lakers fans are still pissed that the trade to send Chris Paul from New Orleans to that other L.A. team didn’t go through. Get the fuck over it!

That failed trade isn’t the reason the Lakers are awful now. Signing Steve Nash at age 76 and the Dwightmare of 2012-13 was more than enough to make this team as bad as they are now. Not to mention Kobe Bryant isn’t the player he once was. Maybe if the Lakers had gotten some younger,better talent while Kobe was hurt they wouldn’t be where they are now, so just get over how bad they are and hope for another lottery pick.

69. The floppy disk as the Save icon for all computers

Second year selection- 2014:36

I put this on the list last year because we need to get with the times. Floppy disks just aren’t around anymore in 2014 and I doubt that they’re making a comeback anytime soon. Replace this icon with a flash drive!

68. Play-in games for the NCAA tournament

First year selection

I liked the NCAA tournament better when it was a field 64,not 68.

These play-in games where two 11-19 teams play one another on a Tuesday night for the right to lose to a one or two seed have got to go. These teams got lucky by being there and have no chance to win it all. There’s no need to have any more teams than the 64 who deserve to be there. Unless you decide to expand it to like 72 teams or 84, something more realistic. Not 68. Come on!

67. CATCH-ALL: Campaign ads that don’t explain what the candidate is for or against other than his/her opponent and Political ads in Words with Friends

First year selection

If there’s anything I hate about election years and elections in general,it’s the campaign ads that never explain what the candidate is for or against, but rather how shitty they think their opponent is. Take for example Doug Ose, he ran against California’s Ami Bera,who represents the state’s 7th District. I think he lost in part because nobody knew what he was for and also he wasn’t very likable.

If you wonder why people don’t vote anymore,it’s because nobody tells you want they are going to do to change this. I need a reason why I should vote for you, not information on why your opponent sucks.

As for your ads,why are they playing in between turns on Words with Friends? That’s neither the time or place.

66. Twerking

Second year selection-2014:19

I don’t think I need to explain why this made the list again, but I will do my due diligence. Mainly for me,twerking screams immaturity and a lack of class. Maybe I’m just getting older and wiser and don’t like to put up with too much, but I just don’t find any aspect of twerking appealing, mature,or attractive. Maybe some of you do, but I don’t. It probably makes me unfun,but whatever.

65. Northern Californians who refer to freeways as “The”

Second year selection-2013: 25

This has made the list again after a year’s hiatus. Folks in both Northern California and Southern California have different ways of doing things and how they refer to freeways is one of them. We here in Nor-Cal will refer to a freeway as “Interstate 5” or “I-5” or just “5”. SoCal does so as “The 5”. 

It bugs the crap out of me when my fellow Northern Californians do it the SoCal way. The only exception is if they came from there and lived there a long time because old habits are much too tough to break. If you are a lifelong Northern Californian,you shouldn’t be doing this. Ever. Okay?

64. People who throw their gum on the ground

Third year selection-2014:22, 2013: 7

This doesn’t happen to me as much now that I no longer work in retail,but in the rare instance that it does happen,it is still annoying.

It is not hard to locate a garbage can to throw your gum away, the ground is not that place to throw it. I am tired of having to clean this stuff off of my shoes and if you were me,you’d feel the same way!

63. The way Californians drive in the rain

First year selection

How we have not put this on the list until this year I will never know,maybe it’s my realization that Californians are in panic mode whenever inclement weather hits (especially this year since we never got any until Dec. 3).

People in this state seem to have too much trouble when it comes to driving in the rain. They think that they can travel the same speeds as if it were sunny because they have somewhere important to go. Take your time,slow down a little,and be careful.

62. People who go to sporting events and wear jerseys of neither team

First year selection

I’ve seen this happen before where there’s a sporting event between two teams and you have fans wearing jerseys of neither team.

If you’re at a game where you’re not a fan of either team, just wear regular clothes. Don’t wear your team’s gear! They aren’t playing,so why do you need to represent?

I don’t know what else to say about this,so let’s move on.

61. Forgetting the words to the National Anthem

First year selection

The National Anthem is played at every sporting event in this country and from time to time someone comes along and either butchers the song, tries to make it their own,or even worse,forgets the words.
If you live in this country,you should know this song by heart. There’s not much of an excuse to forget the words to it and if you need a refresher,Google the damn lyrics and learn the song!

Part Three comes your way tomorrow!