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The Things That Need to Go in 2015,Part Three


Hey Kids! We’re at the third part of our countdown of The Things That Need to Go in 2015! Part One and Part Two are in the books,and now we have Nos. 60-41. A disclaimer before we start: This list is to be taken lightly and is designed for entertainment purposes,that having been said,on with the list we go.

DetentionSharingFood60. CATCH-ALL: Schools that ban Chap-Stick and Schools that give detention to kids who share their lunch with another classmate

First year selection

What’s going on with schools these days? First they had the story where the school in Virginia banned Chap Stick back in September due to allergy concerns despite a fifth grade girl needing some desperately to the point where her lips bled. Then in the same month comes the story of a Redding,Calif. boy who committed the harsh crime of sharing his lunch with a fellow classmate.

You know what would’ve happened to me if I shared my lunch with a classmate when I was in the eighth grade? I would’ve been commended by the administration,not punished. I don’t know what has happened to school administrations in the time since I was last in grade school 15 years ago, but when it comes to common sense,it’s looking there’s less and less of it. No wonder more and more parents are leaning towards home study for their children. It’s because of stupid rules like these!

east-coast-bias59. East coast bias

Third year selection-2014:59,2013:24

So this item is in the same place it was last year. Though it doesn’t bother me as much as it has in year’s past, there is this problem as far as East coast bias in this country when it comes to sports.

I wish people would realize that there are good teams outside of Boston,Miami,Chicago,and New York. Look at Northern California for example. We have the reigning World Series champions in the Giants, a great hockey team in the Sharks and the Warriors look great so far this year as well. I hope one day this disappears,but I am not holding much breath for that.

TORONTO, ON - JULY 10h, 2012 - For story on wearing flip flops at work.58. Flip flops in the office

Second year selection-2014: 26

This item has made the list again for the second year. As I said the year before, I get that people want to be as comfortable on the job as possible,especially at an office where some people have to look as professional as possible,but are flip flops the way to go?

I feel like flip flops belong at the beach personally. The only people who should get to wear flip flops at work are lifeguards at the beach or waterpark or your community pool. Not the office.

SanFranciscoHundreds57. Hats that say stupid shit like “San Francisco Hundreds” or “Los Angeles Reckless”

First year selection

I have seen these hats everywhere and I absolutely hate them. I don’t really get the coolness of a hat that says “San Francisco Hundreds”,nor do I care. Is that supposed to be a sports team? Is that a gang term for drugs? What is it?

I don’t know if I am just getting older or not relating to what is cool these days,but these hats seem far from it. Therefore,they’re on the list.

facebook-logo56. Chain Facebook statuses

First year selection

You’ve seen these. Someone posts something that’s far out there and you comment on it and then all of sudden they message you saying you have to post something,too. Doesn’t that fucking piss you off? I mean,seriously? That’s why you posted that? Clearly people don’t have enough to do in their day if they’re posting stupid crap like that.

No,I am not responding to this in 24 hours and I don’t care what bad stuff will happen to me, got it? Good!

blainegabbert55. People who take preseason football way too seriously

Second year selection-2014:63

This has made the list again this year because I feel that too much importance is placed on NFL preseason football. All it is to me is a bunch of guys who aren’t going to be playing on the team against a bunch of guys who aren’t going to be playing on the team.
The preseason is not that important if your team wins a game, and those teams who do well in the exhibition often don’t do well in the regular season (’08 Lions,anyone?).
Also,the preseason bores me a little. The teams charge just as much as a regular season game so you can watch Blaine Gabbert go up against Ryan Mallett and it’s a huge snoozefest. This is why we need less preseason football.

marijuana54. 4/20

Fourth year selection: 2014:53,2013:40,2012:81

This is still on the list and is still very stupid. This is no holiday at all,stoners. You pukes get high every day and a holiday is where something happens once a year and under that category is not where 4/20 falls.
Don’t even get me started on the origins of this so-called holiday, it would take up the rest of the list on how dumb those are. If this is all you have to look forward to in life,it’s time to get one.
HotFelon53. Hot felons

First year selection

This is one of my Keepin’ it Real selections because we have had a small wave of these as of late. First you had Jeremy Meeks who was arrested on a gun charge in Stockton,Calif. and all the ladies thought he was smokin; hot when in fact he’s a dangerous crook will probably kill you. Then you had Sean Kory of Santa Cruz,Calif. who busted a guy’s head open on Halloween who was dressed as a Fox News reporter. What a guy!
I don’t know who these women are who think these guys are so attractive,but it’s clear they need both glasses and better taste in men.

Eli-Manning52. Eli Manning

First year selection

I finally have the balls to put this guy on the list. As many of you know,I hate Eli Manning. I hate how people think he’s good, I hate how he cried his way to get to the Giants,and I hate that he won two Super Bowls with luck. Usually teams do it with talent,but obviously he chose a different way.
I don’t think he is that good. If he was,the Giants would make the playoffs every year just like Peyton’s Broncos do. One of the happiest days of my life will be when he retires it. I will DVR that shit and eat popcorn while watching. Until then,up yours,Sheli!

sixcalifornias51. People who want to split up California into multiple states

First year selection

Although we have had secessionists on the list before,this is a bit different. Earlier this year we had a guy named Tim Draper who had the dim idea of splitting up California into six states. Yes,six states. It failed to get any chance of appearing on a ballot this year or anytime in the near future.

Look, California isn’t going anywhere,it’s fine the way it is. There have been 238 attempts to break up the state and they’ve all failed. If you’re not satisfied with how things are going here,there are 49 other states to reside in. I’ll help you pack if necessary.

LASIK50. Radio commercials for LASIK eye surgery

First year selection
I have had a rager for this for a while now and it’s time it made the list. There are so many radio commercials where an air personality brags on and on about how great their LASIK eye surgery went and how much people with glasses and contacts suck. I have a message for you: Nobody cares!

I am so sick of how braggy these commercials are and how much some people who have LASIK look down on people who still embrace having four eyes. I would never get it because I don’t want to be the guy they fuck up on and also I am fine the way I am. Also,something else that people with LASIK missed the memo is this: Glasses are pretty sexy. Ask Rashida Jones!

RichHoffman49. Jackson Rancheria CEO Rich Hoffman’s mustache

Second year selection: 2014:55

This item actually made it to a second year…holy shit!

If you’re not from Northern California,you’ll have no idea what this all means,but that’s okay,I’m here to educate you on the matter. Rich Hoffman is the CEO of Jackson Rancheria Casino and for the past few years he has sported the worst mustache of all time. It makes him look like a walrus that is continuously hungry. Hasn’t anyone told him how bad this thing looks? He’s got people,right? Haven’t his people given him a hint yet?

I have a feeling this will make the list again if someone doesn’t get him a Norelco shaver for Christmas.

48. Don’t Touch My Dart commercials

First year selection

This commercial has aired way too much and was overkill during the MLB playoffs. If you haven’t seen it,it features Craig Robinson from the Hot Tub Time Machine movie and Jake Johnson from New Girl and the premise is that Johnson tries to touch Robinson’s Dart and the lack of hilarity ensues.
The first time it aired it was kinda good,but as the series went on,it got kinda stale and kinda sad for me. They’re still making the but I hope they stop sometime in 2015.

button-facebook47. Vague Facebook statuses

First year selection

This first made my brainstorming list early in the year after a friend of mine posted a vague Facebook status and then wouldn’t let me in on it. Jerk!

Since then I have seen countless Facebook statuses so vague that you want to know about them but also kinda don’t because you won’t get a decent answer or any answer period. Also,there’s no need to be so vague,either come out with it or don’t. You know?

SleepingBaseballGame46. People who fall asleep at baseball games

First year selection

This happened quite a bit in 2014. First,it happened with the Yankees fan who was embarrassed to the point where he sued the team and ESPN for $10 million. Then you had fans in Kansas City asleep as the Royals were playing their first World Series in nearly 30 years.

If you’re not game to stay up to be in attendance for a three-hour game,then chances are you shouldn’t be there. Also,what a waste of money to fall asleep at the World Series of all places. You mean to tell me you couldn’t have a nap before the game? You had one job,man!

KidHotCar45. People leaving their kids in the car in the summertime

First year selection

Another Keepin’ it Real selection here. How did this summer become the one where children were getting locked in cars?

First you had that asshead in Georgia who locked his 2-year-old in a car and died and people think he did it on purpose. Then it became story after story after story. How does someone forget a child in a car? I honestly am shocked at how forgetful people can be sometimes. I really am and don’t know what else to say about this.

Flakes44. Flaky people

Second year selection-2014:25

This is a way’s down from last year’s list,but it is still bothersome to me how flaky people can be/are.

Now I will say I have been guilty of it in the past,but I feel like I’ve learned my lesson. There have been too many people who have been this way in my life and it gets to be bothersome and also troubling. While I am a guy who is willing to give someone the time of day, they have to be willing to do the same. It works both ways.

SelfiesWithBears43. CATCH-ALL: Taking selfies with homeless people,taking selfies with bears,taking selfies in jail,and taking selfies during a wildfire

First year selections

There are appropriate times to take a selfie like a party or a graduation or a sporting event, and then there are other times where it isn’t so right to do so,like during a wildfire or with a bear or with homeless people,or in jail. Why do people think this is okay and appropriate? These people seem like the same people who ate paste as Kindergarteners and rap their order at the drive-thru at 1 in the morning. Get a clue,people!

leashkids42. Kids on leashes

Second year selection-2011: 25

How this hasn’t made our list in a long time is something I can’t do any justice to,but I must say that kids do not need to be on leashes. Your child isn’t a dog and shouldn’t be treated as such. I think the thing that made it the biggest turn-off for me is the Disneyland episode of Modern Family where Lily is tethered to a leash and everyone is giving Mitchell and Cameron dirty looks as they walk by with their “Pet daughter”. Don’t have a pet daughter! Get rid of cable and switch to DirecTV.

ShoesWithWheels41. Shoes with wheels

First year selection

I am tired of walking through stores and having these kids roll around on their shoes with wheels in them and they need to go.

Why? Because it teaches them that not looking where you’re going is okay and it reinforces bad manners that wouldn’t be there otherwise if these shoes weren’t around. Shoes do not need wheels in the back of them, go get some roller skates instead,kid!

We will have Part Four tomorrow!


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December 2014
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