The Things That Need to Go in 2015,Part One

Things15

Hello Everybody,

It’s that time of year,the time where we kick-off our end of the year lists and as always,we start with this one, the Things That Need to Go list. This is the 2015 edition which will be broken up into six parts throughout the week. A disclaimer for this is that this list is meant for entertainment purposes,so kinda take it lightly if you can,I know you have it in you.

We begin with our first part with Numbers 100-81. So without any further adieu,let’s begin!

Westboro100. The Westboro Baptist Church

Third year selection- 2014: 12, 2013:9

So you’re probably wondering why the Westboro Baptist Church is at the bottom of the list even though it is being selected for the third time.

Well,it’s simple. I think the group isn’t as big as they once were,though they are just as hateful. I think a big factor is that their founder,Fred Phelps,died earlier this year. Their hateful message and their facade as a religion can’t last forever and I don’t think it will in a year or so. I’m crazy like a fox to think that,but it’s just a hunch.

officewhore99. The office whore

Second year selection-2013:84

This is making the list again after a year’s absence. I don’t mean literal office whores when I mention this. I’m talking about people who get ahead by kissing someone’s behind a lot. I left a job two years ago where that was the only way to get ahead and that bothered me very much. I’ll admit it,I didn’t have the ability to succeed in that industry because I didn’t have what it took to kiss someone’s rings and that’s why I was a failure.

Not that anything like this happens where I am now,but I am sure some of you are in situations like this and it pisses you off,so for you,this is the 99th selection on this list.

vstivianovisor98. The V. Stiviano visor

First year selection

Earlier this year, V. Stiviano,who was Donald Sterling’s girl on the side, became an overnight household name after recordings of phone conversations between her and Sterling were released. Following this,she decided to sport this awful visor that looks like someone from Daft Punk would wear. Somehow this thing became popular.
The reason it isn’t very high on the list is because I never really saw anyone wear one. If you did, you’re probably very weird and I would not date you under any circumstances whatsoever. It’s on the list because it was a dumb piece of headwear and it needs to not return. Ever.

97. Dumb songs like What Did the Fox Say? or Selfie

Second year selection- 2014:30
While I get that these songs are meant to be jokes, it doesn’t mean that they’re any good.

Look,popular music is getting worse and worse the longer I am alive. When you have idiotic songs like What Did The Fox Say? or Selfie playing on the radio (and I have heard both of them on there), it makes your stomach churn and your face cringe.

I hope we don’t have any more dumb songs like this next year,otherwise this may make the list again.

dutchbros96. People who talk too much about how great Dutch Bros. Coffee is

First year selection
I’m not saying that Dutch Bros. Coffee is bad or good, I’m just tired of hearing about it on Facebook all the damn time.

Honestly,I’ve seen the lines for this place at 7:30 in the morning on my way to work and it looks like there are 26 people in line in each direction.It makes me wonder why anyone would want to sit in such a long line and if it’s even worth the wait.

I haven’t been there and I’m sure they make good coffee, but that is something that isn’t too hard to find. Write me back when it is!

95. Ann Coulter

Second year selection-2013:58

Ann “The Man” Coulter is back on this list for the second time and for good reason,she’s a bitch.

Coulter as I have stated before is the kind of person who never got enough attention as a kid and says terrible things to get a rise out of people, but those are some pretty horrible things she says. Not only that,but a lot of the things she says probably aren’t true. Also,I think she used to be a man and isn’t owning up to it. If she wasn’t one, I want to know why the fuck she has a Adam’s apple.

HeadphonesDriving94. People who wear headphones while driving

First year selection

This shouldn’t be an item on this list,but it is. I’ve seen people do this before and I hope they get a ticket every time they do this. It’s against the law to wear headphones in your vehicle when you’re driving. Why? Because you need to be able to hear what’s going on around you. If there’s an ambulance coming by,you need to able to see and hear it (unless you’re deaf,then we understand). Let’s try and keep everyone safe.

Compact93. Compact parking spaces

Second year selection: 2013:50

I have never liked these spaces period because they’re small,cramped,and in front of them,there’s a tree. Why is there a tree?
I have a compact car, but I’m a bigger guy these days. Why the hell is there only like a few inches of space to open my door so I can exit my vehicle? Do I literally need to crawl out of my back seat to get out of my car in these fucking parking spaces?

I think these spaces exist so that shopping centers can have trees,otherwise there’s no need for them. Why can’t we have parking spaces that are all the same size? What a concept!

bettinglines92. Betting lines that don’t involve sports

Second year selection-2014:62

This was on the list last year and although I don’t hear about this going on as much,it’s still pretty stupid. Why on Earth do we need a betting line on what color Taylor Swift’s heels will be at the Grammys? Or when a recently married celebrity couple will get divorced?

Let’s leave Vegas odds solely at sports and that’s it. And by the way, Super Bowl odds regarding the coin toss and other fringe things, you’re on notice.

FWP91. First world Problems at Thanksgiving or Christmas time

Third year selection-2014: 28,2013:17

This has slipped a bit,but it’s still a yearly occurrence. You know these people, the ones who gripe on social media about not getting a car or an iPhone or a Samsung Galaxy 6 as big as your laptop and talking about how awful their family is.

It really bothers me when people get like this. When I wasn’t doing as well as I am now,I never once did this. Not only was I not deserving of such things,but I also didn’t care for much around the holidays, I just wanted to be happy and healthy. I still do.

WeHaveNoIdea90. The entire Edmonton Oilers front office

First year selection

This had to make the list mainly because this team has turned into utter shit the last nine seasons and there’s no end in sight of the shittiness that is this team.

It’s clear to me and all other Oilers fans that this team would be better off with new blood in the front office that knows what they’re doing,not a bunch of guys who were on good Oilers teams in the ’80s. Just because you won a ring or two doesn’t mean it makes you a great front office person (See: Michael Jordan of the Charlotte Hornets).

I won’t be happy with this team or its results until they make they playoffs again. I don’t know if they ever will again,but a man can dream,I guess.

poptarts89. The idea of eating Pop-Tarts without putting them in the toaster

Second year selection-2012: 12

This hasn’t made the list in a few years and I know so many of you do this and maybe I am in the minority on this and really am my mother’s child,but whatever,it’s my list.

I have never understood why people think Pop-Tarts are so good when they aren’t toasted. I tried this once as a kid and I hated them cold. Pop-Tarts have to be warm, that’s why they were made.

So I ask of you to take a few minutes and enjoy the warm gooeyness of your Pop-Tart,maybe you’ll thank me someday.

PJsatWork88. Wearing pajamas at school or work

Fourth year selection-2014:58, 2013:64, 2011:12

I have had this on the list for the fourth time and it still bothers me to an extent and it’s something I’ve never been okay with.

I don’t see why it’s so hard for an adult to get dressed for work at school. And no,I don’t care what time your first class is,get showered and dressed,yo!

Also,pajama day at school needs to go as well. This teaches kids to be lazy and to be honest,with all the video games they play, they are probably lazy enough already.

NoImageAvailable87. People who give you grief about your team barely winning a game when theirs did not come through

First year selection

I hate this. I got a lot of crap for it earlier in the season when the Patriots barely beat the Raiders at home. This by the way happened when these fans had teams that didn’t win that same day.

You don’t get to give me crap about a win when your team didn’t get one. That is kinda one of my unwritten rules of being a sports fan. Not only that, I don’t have time to hear it from someone who’s team sucks. I’m busy focusing on my team’s success.

Coliseum286. The third deck at Oakland Coliseum

Second year selection-2014:84

This did make our list last year,and yes,it’s a dumb item,but it proves a point.

First off,that stadium is a dumpster fire of a sports venue,yet it still exists. Second of all, the teams that play there,the A’s and the Raiders can never seem to fill it to capacity,so they tarp off the third deck.

Here’s an idea: Why not just get rid of the third deck? Clearly you don’t need it anymore since you don’t execute it’s usage, so why not execute it altogether? Anytime a team tarps off part of it’s stadium because they fail at filling it, it becomes an eyesore. Does anyone really think that green and gold tarp is anything beautiful? I didn’t think so.

It’s time to have some addition by subtraction in Oakland and it starts with the Coliseum’s upper deck.

bitcoin85. Bitcoin

First year selection

What the hell is Bitcoin and why do we need it?

When I heard about Bitcoin,which is some sort of virtual currency, I didn’t know what it was and still really don’t. Is it like money? Or is it like Taco Bell’s border bucks? Or even Scandia tokens? I also knew that the Sacramento Kings were accepting it as payment in their team store. That quickly ended,though.

Not to mention it’s prone to ponzi schemes and theft. Who needs that? Who has time?

HFCS84. High fructose corn syrup

First year selection

Yes, this made the list this year. Why? Because it’s not good for you.

This is a big ingredient in many of the products you consume these days,mainly soda. Soda manufacturers started putting this in their products in 1984,replacing sugar. Recently,Pepsi and 7Up have released versions of their sodas with real sugar in them, known as “Pepsi Throwback” and “7Up Retro”,respectively. And guess what,they taste better than their HFCS counterparts. Much better. So much so that I try as hard as I can to find a bottle at my local convenience store (Side note: if you live near me and need a list of where they are,I got ya covered!)

If I’m ever President, this is going to be an executive order to eliminate HFCS once and for all. You’ll thank me someday.

KingFireShirt83. Memorabilia that commemorates wildfires

First year selection

This is the first of two wildfire related items on the list.

We had a few awful wildfires in Northern California and there was one fire where someone was selling T-Shirts commemorating it.

Why?

I don’t understand why anyone would want a T-shirt commemorating a wildfire? Your team winning the World Series, sure I get that, but a tragic fire where people lost everything they own and where even some lives are lost? Who in God’s name wants something to remember it by?

If this is how we’re dealing with tragedies these days, I want to see T-shirts commemorating funerals and divorces. Just sayin…

Intentional-Grounding82. Intentional grounding

First year selection

I have wanted this on the list for a couple of years now and probably because more prominent things needed to be on the list a lot more, it didn’t make it. It has this year.

I don’t like this penalty whatsoever because the quarterback should be able to throw the ball away if he has to regardless of if he is in the “tackle box” or not. It’s probably the most bullshit penalty in football and I’m tired of seeing it. I get that this league is geared towards protecting the quarterback,but let’s take it a step further and abolish intentional grounding.

81. The Sonic commercials with the two creepy,psychotic guys sitting in a car

 

First year selection

I have not liked these commercials for years and I can’t believe this is a first year selection. You know the commercials, these two morons are eating Sonic (which by the way has gross warm food,but their cold stuff like ice cream is pretty good!) and are having the worst conversations you can ever have in a car.

Also,these two are pretty creepy if you ask me and always have been. They make me want to go to Dairy Queen and I might as well because where I live all the Sonics closed down.

We will have Part Two (Nos. 80-61) tomorrow!

 

One thought on “The Things That Need to Go in 2015,Part One

  1. 100. agree
    99. so you mean brown nosing
    98. I have no idea what this is
    97. I love these songs
    96. Never have noticed this of had the coffee
    95. who? j/k agreed
    94. agreed
    93. agreed
    92. let people bet on what they love
    91. agreed
    90. don’t care
    89. its so good, and some times, you can’t find a toaster…not people that eat ramen raw, gross
    88. on specific days assigned for this, it can be great fun
    87. sounds like your crying
    86. don’t care
    85. agreed
    84. agreed
    83. never heard of, but crazy
    82. don’t care
    81. I hate these guys, but the must be working

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