OK, this is the last part of our five part series on the Things That Need to Go in 2012. Part One featured Pajama Jeans, Planking and Owling. Part Two featured American Dad! and Medium cheddar. Part Three contained things such as Facebook pages for pets and people who set their glasses face down when taking them off (UGHHH!). Part Four featured big sunglasses and Glee. Here we are, we’ve arrived at our final 15 items. I am sad that today’s the last day,but I am glad some good work has been done as well as our due diligence. I can’t wait to do the list for 2013, but that will have to wait until we finish this list, so let’s do this!

15. Beach Weddings
2011 Position: N/A
Ah, the item that inspired this year’s list! Since it inspired the list,it has to make it. I get why a lot of couples want to get married beachside, for the scenery and that’s fine. But the real reason that they do is all because of the bride. It’s really because the bride and her bridesmaids don’t have to wear heels that day. BOOM! I hit the nail right on the head! Why else would they get married on the beach? OK,maybe that’s not the only reason,but my belief is that it is one of the main ones.

I like going to the beach, but I don’t want to get married there. I want to get married in a place that would mean a lot to both me and my future wife. If that’s the place for you,more power to you, have fun getting married barefoot, but for me, I’m getting married in a place where shoes are welcome,and my friends know that when that day comes, I will have some sweet shoes on for that.
Also,if you get married on the beach, watch out for this:

Idiots!

14. CATCH-ALL: Omitting Vowels in Text Messages (or in general), Autocorrect & Spelling Words Incorrectly on Purpose
2011 Position: 19 (CATCH-ALL)
Part of this was a catch-all last year in the form of spelling songs titles wrong but it applies here as well. I don’t see how spelling is so hard for people when it’s so basic. I must brag, I am an excellent speller. I was in two spelling bees and am around whenever a words needs correct spelling, so why is it so hard? Do we need to teach spelling beyond the sixth grade? I’m thinking it may have to happen if it’s this hard for people to need to know how to spell. How would you like to do a spelling test in the 10th grade? I thought so…

Also, why do people omit vowels in text messages? Sorry is not spelled ‘Sry’, you got that?  Unlike Wheel of Fortune, your cell phone provider isn’t charging $250 for vowels, you can use them freely whenever you text someone. Here’s how I know…I do it all the time. Quit being so lazy when texting, and by the way, get rid of autocorrect,it isn’t helping matters or correcting your words. It’s only making what you wanted to say sound even stupider!

13. The practice of eating Pop-Tarts without putting them in the toaster
2011 Position: N/A

I have never enjoyed a cold Pop-Tart. Ever. I have a hard time fathoming how a big majority of people likes them cold. Aren’t they called Pop-Tarts for a reason? Because you pop them into the toaster. They’re supposed to be eaten warm. I really am my mother’s child because she shares this sentiment as well. So do me and my mom a favor and take a couple minutes to enjoy the warmth of your Pop-Tart.

12. The idea that bringing your little dog into a store is OK
2011 Position: N/A

I love dogs, I do. We have two of them here, one is a German Shepherd and the other is a Chihuahua belonging to my sister. I think their neat dogs, but I wouldn’t take them to the store with me. Why you ask? Because IT’S NOT ALLOWED (Unless it’s a guide dog or a helper dog,of course.)!!!

Unless it’s Petsmart, dogs cannot come into the store with you no matter what size they are. I can’t bring Kona, our German Shepherd, into Target, so why should little Pepe be allowed in because of his size? It’s a double standard. If a chihuahua gets to come in, a German Shepherd should have the same access. I think it’s fair,don’t you?

11. Wearing sneakers and/or flip flops when graduating from high school/college/etc.
2011 Position: N/A

I went to many high school graduations this year and was shocked and appalled to see how many of these students decided not to dress up for the occasion. I saw so many young men wearing sneakers and so many ladies in flip flops (and some even in sneakers). When I graduated in 2000, we were told that if we didn’t have the right formal attire on (including shoes), we wouldn’t walk. Times have obviously changed and for the worst.

Graduation day should be a formal event, not a day where you can wear sneakers with a shirt and tie  or flip flops with a sundress. My message to those who do this: Grow up! Go out and get some nice shoes to wear for graduation. I will drive you to a mall that has the ability to catch fire if need be.

10. Miracle Whip
2011 Position: N/A

Why do people like this crap? This to me is S.P.A.M. (stuff posing as mayonnaise). I’ve eaten this stuff before and it’s downright gross. I understand that some people don’t enjoy mayonnaise (and there was a period in the 1990s where I wasn’t fond of it myself), but this is hardly a substitute. The miracle in Miracle Whip is that people actually eat this crap. I hope that this stuff miraculously disappears from store shelves this year, it’s just bad.

9. Bumper Stickers
2011 Position: 18

This was 18th on our list a year ago and it’s moved up because people don’t get it. Your car should be valued and treated with care, not a billboard for how you feel politically, what grades your kids get, or to tell the world your favorite radio station. Nobody cares! Even if it’s a bumper sticker I agree with,I shake my head because why would you put this on your car?

I don’t care if you want Obama impeached, why do I need to know this? Your kid’s honor roll status fails to impress me and KFBK sucks! Also, your car is subject to be a target of vandalism if you put them on there, trust me, I should know. Also,it’s a traffic hazard when people try to read them on the road and end up getting in an accident.

8. Bandwagon Sports Fans
2011 Position: N/A

I get accused often of being one of these, but truth be told it bothers me when fans get on bandwagons of teams because they’re good. Where were you people when the team was bad? Oh yeah, I have the answer to that, on another team’s bandwagon. You see it often, people who cheered for the New York Giants to win Super Bowl XLII rooted for the Cardinals to win Super Bowl XLIII the following year. It’s kinda sickening. Pick a team and stick with them!

7. Elisabeth Hasselbeck
2011 Position: N/A

I don’t watch The View because men aren’t allowed to, but every time I have heard Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the token conservative, open her mouth on that show, nothing intelligent comes out of it. Hasselbeck is not that bright, she’s only on that show to be a GOP mouthpiece (and a bad one at that). Not to mention how ill informed she is, it’s almost like she belongs on Fox News.

She’s just one of those people on TV that every time you hear them talk you just want nothing to do with them. She irritates me that much. Not to mention she overreacts to a lot of things, like when Bill Maher came on the show in November and she overreacted to a joke he made about her. Hello? He’s a COMEDIAN! It was a joke!

And by the way, her husband Tim who is on ESPN and was a back-up quarterback who never played needs to be off that network. He’s only there because of his wife being on The View.

6. People who wear the hat of a team they don’t root for because they like the hat
2011 Position: N/A

This has been going on for far too long and it needs to stop. This is never OK. It’s funny to see all these people wearing Cincinnati Reds hats and Pittsburgh Pirates hats when they not only don’t root for that team but can’t name one player on those teams. Wearing another team’s hat when you cheer for another one should be frowned upon far more greater than it has been in recent years. If you’re a San Francisco Giants fan, wear a Giants hat. If you’re a Giants fan wearing a Dodgers or A’s hat, you can no longer root for the team.

5. NBA Commissioner David Stern
2011 Position: N/A

If there’s any commissioner who’s been bad for the sport he oversees, David Stern is it. He is the reason the league is in the bad shape it is, he is the reason why the lockout occurred. The officiating is catered to superstars and he’s OK with it, he is also OK with superstars teaming up with one another and letting small markets with nothing rot in hell. I’ll have more on that in a minute!

He has also let his power get to his head ever since the 2004 Pistons-Pacers brawl. He has become a dictator and last time I checked, nobody likes dictators in this country. His league has by far the worst officiating practices that he fails to try and improve and when criticized by players,coaches,or broadcasters, they are fined ridiculous amounts of money. This league still needs more fixing and that will truly come when Stern is gone from the league. Ruining a league for 27 years is far too long!

4. Casual Fridays
2011 Position: N/A

I don’t know how I missed this last year but Casual Fridays (or any day that’s casual at the workplace) is on the list at number four. I don’t like this practice at all and here’s why. Work isn’t supposed to feel casual, I don’t see how wearing a polo shirt,khakis,and sneakers (or flats if you’re a lady) is supposed to make work any better. It’s still work.

Even at my job right now I don’t wear the brown shirts everyone else wears because I think they’re hideous and why would anyone want to look like a paper shopping bag? I wear the shirt and tie that is also acceptable to wear, though they only like managers to wear that, I do because I think you should look your best at your job every day of the week. Casual Fridays negate this and are not welcome in my world. If you look good,you feel good!

3. NBA Superteams
2011 Position: N/A

This hasn’t been a new development in any stretch of the imagination, but I’m tired of only eight of the 30 teams in the NBA mattering. Why is it that all the good players play in places like Los Angeles, Boston,Miami, New York, or Chicago? 

I get that they all want to play there, but all these guys teaming up together is leaving us small market basketball fans wondering who we’re going to root for at the end of the day and if the up and comers we have now will one day end up somewhere else.

This is hurting the NBA in my opinion and the league needs to find a way to make teams in smaller cities more marketable and to encourage the stars on those teams to stay on those teams and not team up with three of their superstar buddies on a large market team. In my view,they need to be a little more like the greatest sports league in this country, the NFL. They have got it right, they have stars in just about every market and a lot of guys like Aaron Rodgers in Green Bay and Steve Smith in Charlotte seem happy in those markets which aren’t as big as New York, Boston, or Philadelphia.

If the NBA continues with the superteam model of business, get ready for 25 man rosters and a 14 team league. Believe it!

2. Big eyeglasses that were only popular in the 1980s and 1990s
2011 Position: 2 (CATCH-ALL)

Taylor Swift, 1989 called,  they want their glasses back!

This was part of a catch-all last year along with big sunglasses,but these were separated from those for a reason this year, they’re starting to come back into style a little bit.

For those of you too young to remember, enormous glasses were very popular in the ’80s and ’90s, I am still not sure why, but it is what it is. This was the worst era in the 20th century for prescription eyeglasses and somehow they’re coming back. Really?
Rick Moranis may have thought these were happenin’ back in 1989 when he was making Honey,I Shrunk the Kids!, but why would you?

To be honest,we are probably in the most stylish era eyeglasses have seen in a very long time. Sure, we may feel differently in about 10-15 years, but the trend now has yet to see its end. I am hoping big eyeglasses don’t end it too soon, if they do, I may opt for contacts or just keep getting new lenses in my current pair (even though they are turning white >.<) until this trend dies, but we’re playing worst case scenario and I’m rambling.

So without further adieu, here is the number one item on our list of the Things that Need to Go in 2012…

1. TOMS Shoes
2011 List Position: 13

I have disliked these shoes for quite a while now. I know a lot of you will detest my putting this at number one overall on this year’s list,but there’s a reason why it’s number one…to make a statement. That statement is simple,these shoes are hideous. Why would anyone wear these?

I know, I know, proceeds from these go towards giving poor people shoes. I get that and that’s respectable, but as I stated last year, can’t we get them something with style? Not to mention I’ve seen how fast they deteriorate. if you’re going to spend all that money on shoes, shouldn’t they last a while? I think so!

I’m still in the crowd that thinks these shoes are just a fad much like trucker hats were in 2003 and 2004, but it’s one that sure is taking it’s sweet time to go away. Here’s hoping that this list makes these shoes with zero style in the history books as soon as possible.

That’s it,that’s the list! Or is it…?