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The Things That Need to Go in 2017,Part Three


Welcome back to the action,everybody. We’ve already revealed the first 40 items of the list. Part One covered Eyelashes on car headlights,poop emojis,and the phrase “Dicks out for Harambe”, Part Two had items like The “War on Christmas”, the word “BAE”,and the idea that Curt Schilling is a good candidate for President anytime soon. We’ve now reached the third part of our list,numbers 60-41.  Just as a reminder and a disclaimer to all of you: This list is intended for entertainment purposes and should be taken semi-seriously. So on we go with the list. Here’s #60!

yuge60. The word “yuge”

First year selection

I hate,hate,hate this motherfucking word. It was really popularized by that moron with the awful hair who somehow got elected President this year (Yes,Bernie Sanders used it,too,and I wasn’t fond of that,either). It was also pointed out by Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show (more on him later).

It’s stupid. Huge has an “H” in it. It has never started with a Y and it never will. Stop saying the word this way,you morons!

Mitch McConnell, John Cornyn59. Mitch McConnell

First year selection

If there’s anybody who’s been a poster child for why nothing gets done in Congress,this man is probably it.

McConnell has been one of the ones who is more than happy to say no to anything good that’s proposed in Congress. In fact,he’s been front and center for saying No to the President. That’s pretty much all he does is say No.

I really hate when people like McConnell are in office because nothing gets done in Congress and nobody in office really seems to care one bit about issues that matter most to you.

Beyond that,he looks like a fucking sea turtle. The only good thing about him being in office is that every once in a while Conan O’Brien will have a joke about him looking like a sea turtle.

Somebody send this man back to the beach where he came from.

NewKingsLogo58. The Sacramento Kings front office

First year selection

Is there any front office in the NBA worse than the Sacramento Kings? I highly doubt it.

Ever since the new ownership group has come in and taken over the team,the Kings have shown themselves to be the laughingstocks of the league. From not building a quality team around DeMarcus Cousins to going through coach after coach after coach after coach after coach to drafting nothing but centers and power forwards during the 2016 NBA Draft,the Kings are continuing their inept,losing ways,and it’s only getting worse.

It’s no wonder why a lot of Kings fans have become Warriors fans and no wonder why some are even questioning whether or not to renew their season tickets past this season. These fans deserve a lot better than they’ve been getting for sticking by a lousy product for 11 seasons now and for putting up with a lot,too. From constant coaching changes to Cousins being a constant crybaby to the team nearly relocating twice, these fans should be considered saints and deserve much,much more and when they get a stable front office who knows what it takes to build winning teams and a winning culture is when the fans will have faith in this organization again. Right now,aside from a new arena, there’s not much going for this team.

anncoulterfeet57. Ann Coulter

Fourth year selection: 2016;36, 2015;95,2014;58

Yes,this bitch made the list yet again and I still can’t stand her. But then again,who can stand her?

A lot of what she claims and says is not only horrible,but untrue. She claims that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote,which doesn’t surprise me because she may have been a man at one time in her life. She also has said that the handicapped have no place in America.

She’s also a terrible author of terrible books that belong at the 99-cent store along with Sarah Palin. Oh,and she still hasn’t explained that Adam’s apple of hers. What’s up with that?

patssb50tattoo56. Fans who get championship tattoos if their team hasn’t won it yet or not at all

First year selection

This has finally made the list and the reason being is because you shouldn’t be celebrating a touchdown when you’re on the 50-yard line. That’s what getting a tattoo before your team wins it all is.

The Patriots didn’t win Super Bowl 50, the Tampa Bay Lightning didn’t win the Stanley Cup in 2015, the Seahawks didn’t win back-to-back Super Bowls,and the Indians were not World Series Champions. So why would you get a tattoo commemorating what never happened? And especially,why would you do it before it potentially happened?

Unless you’re a Chicago Cubs fan this year, you shouldn’t roll the dice like that on your body. You wouldn’t wear a T-shirt that says NBA Champion Atlanta Hawks unless they won the championship,right? I thought so!

sneakerswithsuits55. CATCH-ALL: Wearing sneakers with suits and People who wear caps with suits that aren’t being drafted by a professional sports team

Sneakers with suits has made the list before, caps with suits is a first year selection

My friend Josue suggested this before the 2016 list even came out and he was right to. This happens way too much nowadays and by this I mean the practice of wearing sneakers with suits. The guys on NFL Network do it and the guys on ESPN do it,too.


Don’t these guys have millions of dollars that they’ve earned from their pro career? They can afford some really nice dress shoes.

It’s not just guys on TV,it’s guys everywhere who don’t bother to up their shoe games like we talked about in Part Two and are just lazy.

Also, stop wearing hats with your suits. It’s not a good look. The only time it’s acceptable is if you’re in the green room on draft day and you’re handed one before you go on stage to hug the commissioner. Anytime else…nope!

xhibitflaky54. Flaky people

Third year selection: 2015,44;2014,25

While this took a year off last year,it’s back for this list and while it doesn’t happen to me as much as year’s past, it still bites when someone flakes on you when something means more to you than it did to them.

I’m more than willing to give someone a chance if they’re willing to do the same with me. Time and time again I put my trust in people who ended up making next to no effort with me or caring much about how I felt. Those aren’t people you need in your life.

The ones you need in your life should be the ones who are there for you,not people whose arms you need to twist to do so.

dtom53. Don’t Tread on Me flags

First year selection

This is one of the flags that right wingers love the most. The “Don’t Tread on Me” flag was one of the first flags this country ever had and now it’s a symbol of Tea Party Republicans who feel they’re so oppressed and so downtrodden by the current administration when in fact it was the people before them who really screwed them over and even their own inactions and lack of responsibility for the mess they’re in for why they are where they are now (More on that later in the list).

Aside from that,the coiled-up snake that’s on the flag? It turns out that snakes can’t actually do that! Sure,they slither and are curvy,but they can’t coil up like the one in the flag. If you’re going to depict a snake,do it right,yo!

espnfantasy52. The entire IT department for ESPN Fantasy

First year selection

These guys always seem to have problems with the app and the website for ESPN Fantasy,and especially football in particular in the beginning of the season.

Week One of the NFL season saw the site and the app go down for over two and a half hours during a huge chunk of the early games and even part of the late games, infuritating fantasy owners everywhere,resulting in the fantasy department having to apologize and put their tail in between their legs and even the main personalities who cater to fantasy sports like Eric Berry had to make apologies on the air and vouch for the people who let this happen.

Why do we have to go through this every season and at the start of it? Doesn’t anyone have any notes from the outages in the previous years?

I’ve had fantasy teams on ESPN for about a decade now and because of what happened,I’m considering using another site for my fantasy league next season. It’s an inconvenience to the customers who need to set line-ups on game day because of injuries before the games and when they can’t do that and are screwed, that’s unacceptable.

51. People snoring in commercials

First year selection

One of the most annoying commercials of this year is the one for Sleep Number where “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” is playing throughout the commercial and this couple is getting into their expensive-ass Sleep Number bed and the guy is shown snoring loudly and the girl is setting her sleep number and ends up snoring even louder than him.

So why is this commercial on the list? Snoring is far from sexy. Apparently I do it,but there’s no video and/or audio to back up that claim,so I don’t buy it. At least not yet!

probowl1650. The Pro Bowl

Second year selection: 2013, 60

Does anybody really watch this game? I didn’t think so!

The Pro Bowl is the absolute worst All-Star game in professional sports,and it’s gotten worse over time. When players aren’t playing very good tackle football and not trying very hard on defense, it makes for a lousy game (and by the way,I’m a fan of games where scoring early and scoring often are key for me).

Beyond that,the game is moving to Orlando for 2017. Why not just leave it in Hawaii? That’s the only good thing about this fucking game! Or better yet, just get rid of it altogether. Yeah,do that!

LevisStadium49. CATCH-ALL: The idea of having a grass field at Levi’s Stadium and not having shade there

First year selections

This item is in no way a diss on the 49ers as much as it is on the stadium they play in that was poorly built in a city 35 miles from where they actually call home.

Never have I seen a stadium have this many growing pains in a long period of time. The stadium is three years old and fans alike hate the place. For starters, the grass playing surface buckles underneath the feet of players and has caused games for high schoolers to be rescheduled and has even threatened the cancellations of preseason games.

Also a problem is the lack of shade. Santa Clara is a lot warmer than San Francisco and as a result fans are passing out from exhaustion and even staying away from games (the team’s lack of success on the field is another reason why,but you’ll put up with the heat if the team’s any good) because of it.

Someone needs to install FieldTurf on that field tomorrow and the people who built that place need to find a way to get shade in that place. Miami did that with their stadium and the fans love it and it even gave life to an aging facility.

I just hope the stadium and the fans in it doesn’t have to wait 30 years for that to happen.

papi48. The idea of the designated hitter in the National League

First year selection

The chatter of bringing the designated hitter to the National League has been intensifying for a while now and I absolutely am against it.

The American League has used it since 1973 and as of now,the NL has decided to pass on it. But as of late,there has been talk of it finally coming full-time to the other league (when an NL team visits an AL park,they have a DH).

I get that a pitcher should be the last person with a bat in his hands most of the time, but when a pitcher can rake like Madison Bumgarner or Jake Arrieta can get a hit that changes the course of a game, it’s pretty damn exciting. It’s what makes me love National League baseball. It’s the purest form of baseball and it’s still being played and I hope that the chatter can diminish one day of bringing something like the designated hitter over to that league because deep down, fans of NL teams don’t want it anywhere neat their squads.

dnclogo47. Democratic pollsters

First year selection

Wow,if there was a job that was not worth having this year,being a Democratic pollster was it.

These people were the ones who,time and time again, were citing that Hillary Clinton was in a continuous lead with Donald Trump leading up to the election. And we all know what happened.

It turns out that people weren’t voting for Clinton. Instead,they voted for the guy who said the phrase “Grab them by the pussy” and “I don’t even wait!”, the guy who wants to build a wall on our Southern border,even though people will more than likely build tunnels underneath as a way to bypass it.

These people were dead wrong when it came to the polls and also how they conducted them,and as a result, the presidency went to a guy who probably shouldn’t be in that role. Ever.

I trust weatherpeople on television more than these folks. It’s time for pollsters who can get it right to be in these roles,not the people we had that screwed up before the end result.

collegehard46. People who complain about how hard college is

First year selection

This was a late edition to the list and it’s becoming irritating to see how many young people complain about how hard college is.

What?You thought it was a cake walk? Come on,now!

I was in college and while it was hard,I didn’t complain about it that much because I knew how hard it was and that not that many people would have any sense of sympathy for me.

We get it,it’s hard,but so is life. What’s gonna happen when the real world awaits you? You gonna complain about that? Probably.

uggs45. Uggs

Sixth year selection: 2016;54,2014;29,2013;21,2012;31,2011;21

Our first entry to make the list six times is here at this spot just in time for ugly moon boot season,which is basically what Uggs are. The time of year when girls everywhere basically stop trying and just wearing whatever’s comfortable no matter how ugly it is.

Aside from these being ugly and unstylish, they also don’t hold up well in inclement weather. Your foot gets soaked when it rains or snows and then you’re back to square one.

I honestly thought this fad would die years and years ago,but here were are approaching 2017 and they’re still popular. Why? I’ll never understand!

freewayprotest44. Blocking traffic on a freeway to protest

First year selection

This one is a Keepin’ it Real selection because while I understand the reasons why people protest, I don’t feel that the freeway is a proper place to do it.

We get it, you’re pissed,you’re mad at the world and you want them to hear about it,but at the same time,you’re inconveniencing people who have somewhere to go and who aren’t thrilled with what you’re doing to them. Also,what if an ambulance needs to get to someone who needs help and you’re standing in the way of that?

If you want to protest peacefully,do it in a place that you’re permitted to do so,and don’t be a dick about it. The freeway is not that place.

GZimmerman43. George Zimmerman

Second year selection: 2016,16

This dillhole is back for a second year in a row and I’m getting pretty tired of him coming on this list.

First of all,he killed Trayvon Martin and got away with it. Not only did he get away with it,he bragged about it (and rightfully got punched for it) and accused his parents of it being their fault that he wasn’t raised right,therefore he was forced to kill him.

Second of all,he’s a fucking asshole. He was kicked out of a bar in November for screaming racial slurs at the manager and he’s also been involved in road rage incidents,to the point where someone tried to shoot him.

The more I hear about this douche,the more I feel like he should be in prison. He hasn’t done any good for anyone,he seems to find and cause trouble wherever he goes,and he doesn’t seem to want to clean up his image in anyway,shape,or form. I hate this man so much!

Adrian Peterson42. Cheering when players get injured

First year selection

Another Keepin’ it Real selection and it bothers the crap out of me when a bunch of drunk,asshole fans cheer when a player gets hurt.

I remember it happening to Matt Cassel,who was then the quarterback of the Chiefs back in 2012 and it’s happening more ever since. The thing that has to hurt the most for players is when their own fans do it to them.

The fact of the matter is is that while these players make more money then I’ll ever possess at one time in my life, they’re human just like you and me and during their careers they suffer a ton of injuries and afterwards they feel the effects,to the point where they take their own lives because the pain is so large.

Cheering for their demise in their health is a deplorable thing to do. Knock that shit off!

strengthinnumbers41. The phrase “Strength in Numbers”

First year selection

This phrase,at least how I as a Sacramento Kings fan interprets it,basically demonstrates how big the bandwagon of the Golden State Warriors has become.

Have they had a loyal fanbase before this that sold out the arena game after game? Without a doubt! But in the last couple of years I have seen how many Warriors fans there are all of a sudden and it’s not only mind blowing,but it really pisses me off.

It irks me when in the windows of sports shops in my local mall there are nothing but Warriors jerseys and the stores probably have next to no selection for other teams,including the Kings.

I get that when a team is suddenly good for the first time in forever that there’s bound to be people who will hitch a ride on the bandwagon,but when the team brags about it on a T-shirt,it becomes a slap in the face to the other 29 teams who have lost fans because of you.

We’ll have Part Four for you tomorrow!

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December 2016
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