From the T.J. the Sports Geek Quarantine Center and Authorized Retailer for Cellular One

Top Eight Ways Dumb Guys Are Getting Treated for Coronavirus

8. Wearing special “Anti-Coronavirus” hats 24/7

7. Just to be safe, getting vaccinated for chicken pox and the mumps

6. Wearing same cologne as Mike Pence

5. Drinking lots of ginger ale

4. Stocking up on cherry Kaopectate, a flavor the virus hates

3. Building up immunity by standing in front of microwave

2. Doing that goofy dance that Pete Buttigieg supporters used to do

1. Enemas. Lots and lots of enemas.