From the T.J. the Sports Geek Quarantine Center and Home of Gourmet Pizza Rolls

Top Eight Ways To Get a Dumb Guy’s Vote

8. Campaign outside the Maury Povich studio

7. Wear a fake white wig and claim that you’re “the dude on the quarter”

6. Promise to repeal all the invasive laws against drinking gravy

5. Offer him a role in your administration as the Secretary of Nachos

4. Tell him that while there’s no time to explain, but if you gets elected,he gets to have sex with Selena Gomez

3. Declare that you will make every night 25¢ Wing Night

2. Just say: “I’m counting on your support,Teej!”

1. Slogan: “Him Bad, Me Good!”