The Things That Need to Go in 2016,Part Three

Things16

Welcome to Part Three,boys and girls. Part One dealt with items such as Kirk Cameron and overly buff chicks, Part Two covered items like Eli Manning and those creepy guys from the Sonic commercials. Now we’re 59 items away from revealing over top selection for 2016. A disclosure must be made that this list is made for entertainment purposes only. In any case,here’s Part Three with our list starting with #60!

srsly60. CATCH-ALL: People who omit vowels from words and Numbers being used as letters

First year selections

I may be wrong about vowels being omitted being a first year selection,but who’s actually going to check?

I hate when people don’t use vowels when writing a complete sentence. It,to me,speaks of laziness and a lack of professionalism. I don’t even understand it when people are texting one another. If you’re over 25 and texting “Srsly?” to me,we’re more than likely on different levels of maturity.

Also,let’s stop using numbers as letters. There’s no such thing as a 7torm,and no,Colin,it’s not coming! Right now,it’s on “injured reserve”!

59. CATCH-ALL: Schools that legislate what a cheerleader’s hair looks like and Schools that ban tag

First year selections

cheerleaderhairIt seems like every year I have something on the list where schools are doing stupid shit that never would’ve happened when I was going to school and it’s getting out of hand.

First off,does it really matter what a cheerleader’s hair looks like during competition?Apparently a school in suburban Houston does when it kicked a girl off a team because her hair was so thick and curly that,if straightened,it would be destroyed.

My opinion is that as long as she looks presentable and her performance on the team isn’t hindering anyone or anything,what’s the big deal? Schools like this one make too much out of nothing sometimes.

Also,what the hell are we banning tag for? Are we this sensitive about so much these days that we’re banning a schoolyard game like tag? You’re not protecting the physical and emotional safety of kids,you’re sucking the fun out of school.

2016ASG58. The MLB All-Star Game determining home field advantage in the World Series

First year selection

For years I was actually for this because after the way things melted down for the 2002 game, this game needed something to bolster it and make it relevant again. We no longer need this game to determine who gets to host the first game of the World Series. There is enough interest in the game now to where this incentive is not necessary. You could even argue that it was ever needed.

In any case, this needs to go because for one thing we all know the American League is going to win anyways and second of all if your team won more games and doesn’t get to host the World Series,it seems a bit off.

BenCarson57. Ben Carson

First year selection

Ben Carson is running for President and is a lot like Donald Trump if you like the shy,silent type.

Here’s a guy who has said that the Jews would’ve survived the Holocaust if they had guns, that the Pyramids were built to store grains and that he once tried to stab a dude but a belt buckle prevented it from happening.

Really,dude? Really?

Honestly,I don’t really hate this guy, but I don’t think he’s fit to be President,either. Just because you have no political experience doesn’t mean you’re the best choice to win the nomination. Ask Herman Cain how that went back in the 2012 race. He could very well be,however,the best of a bad situation.

Also,open your eyes,dude. You look like you’re half asleep!

AP EAGLES COWBOYS FOOTBALL S FBN USA TX56. Greg Hardy

First year selection

This is a borderline Keepin’ it Real selection,but Greg Hardy shouldn’t even be in the NFL.

With the league taking a hard stance on guys who are charged with domestic violence are being blackballed out of the league,look at Ray Rice. He got charged and he beat the fuck out of his wife. He hasn’t been back in the league (I think being slow also had something to do with it).

Hardy was picked up by Dallas after Carolina waived him (Carolina also got better by addition by subtraction) and Jerry Jones as delirious as he is has praised him as a leader on the team, a man who by the way made disparaging comments about Tom Brady’s wife, berated a coach on the team before Dez Bryant had to give him a talking to,and is just an overall embarrassment for the team and for the league!

While I like to give guys second chances,Hardy did too much damage to earn any chance to come back. He’s not a leader,he’s not a professional,and if the Panthers have shown us anything,he was expendable.

mismatchedsocks55. People who mismatch their socks

Fourth year selection: 2015: 29, 2014: 4,2013: 28

Yes,this has made this list for four consecutive years and yes,it keeps dropping each year, but it still bothers me when people can’t make their socks match. It screams laziness and a sense of not caring. Also,it screams of a society that is and has been promoting laziness and this is one of those things at the core of that theory.

It’s getting to the point where these 18-year-olds who are doing this have been growing up with this habit. Let’s knock it off once and for all!

uggs54. Uggs

Fifth year selection: 2014:29,2013: 21, 2012: 31,2011: 21

Our second fifth year selection is Uggs. Yes,they missed the list last year,but that was because I thought the trend might be dying. Wow,was I wrong!

In case you haven’t noticed,ugly moon boot season is upon us. A time when girls everywhere basically stop trying and put on some Uggs with whatever they’re wearing because “they’re so comfortable”. More like extremely ugly and unattractive.

Also,you’re throwing so much money away on these. You can get five pairs of Converse All-Stars for one pair of ugly moon boots. Converse shoes are much cooler and much more stylish than a pair of Uggs can ever be.

Maury53. Maury

First year selection

Back in the day,I found this show entertaining. You had kids who were smoking weed and having sex, you had controlling spouses,cheaters,and then you had the almighty paternity tests where some woman was trying to find the dad of her child (ren) and Maury comes out in a powder blue sweater to reveal the results to the world. Now it’s just getting sad.

What we have now is nothing but paternity shows with lie detector test shows peppered in and what you have is just utter crap.

Sometimes you get the same people who are THAT desperate to find the father of their children and then there’s the ones who have been on 10 times or more. I think by that point,it’s probably time to give up on the search.

Povich was once a well respected journalist and now he’s a straight-up sellout and his show is just awful.

clubcards52. Grocery store club cards

Fifth year selection: 2014:70,2013: 11,2012: 30,2011: 14

After a year away from the list,we have our third fifth year selection on the countdown. Yeah,it’s hard to believe that club cards to grocery stores will be leaving us anytime soon,but a man can dream.

I’ve never seen the big deal with them myself. I once worked for a grocery chain that got rid of them for a while because they weren’t of any good use. Not to mention these grocery stores track what you buy which to me seems like espionage. Saving money should be an option for all customers alike, not just club card members.

ghostpepper51. The ghost pepper craze

First year selection

Every couple of years or so we get some new spice craze or a new pepper that we hadn’t heard of before that is suddenly trendy and cool. The ghost pepper craze,however, is not one of them.

Case in point: Me and a couple friends of mine were at Buffalo Wild Wings a few months ago and we sampled their new ghost pepper glaze and hated it immediately and wondered aloud why this craze even exists. Honestly, this isn’t the best craze for peppers or spices out there and the ghost pepper misses the mark. I also don’t know that many people who do like it or even care about it. Let’s go back to the drawing board on this one.

Disneyland50. CATCH-ALL: People who bitch about Disneyland being too expensive and Getting your hand stamped at Disneyland

First year selections

As many of you know,I’ve grown quite fond of Disneyland in the last couple of years. I went twice in 2015 and am an annual pass holder. A lot of people,though,have never gone in their lives and some won’t go because they feel it’s too expensive,to the point where they bitch about it. A lot.DisneyHandStamp

Let me explain why it’s expensive. For one thing,it’s a vacation destination and most of those cost a lot of money. Honestly, I’m okay with it costing more than it probably should. It gives me time to save up for a vacation I enjoy going on. Isn’t that why you go on vacations to your favorite places?

One thing that grinds my gears,though,is handstamping. Why in the world do we even need it if we have an annual pass or a parkhopper ticket? it doesn’t make much sense to me.

KissingParkingLots49. Couples who mack on each other in parking lots

First year selection

This made the list after seeing this in February while getting some Chinese food at an area restaurant. The couple in particular were making out when I exited my car to go in and were still playing tonsil hockey 15 minutes later when I left with my order.

This,by the way,was in broad daylight.

Fast forward to the summertime when leaving the waterpark after a nighttime visit when me and my friend Aaron were heading to our cars and I saw in the corner of the lot a couple doing what the couple in February were doing.

Maybe it’s me and I’m jealous of people who have found love where I can’t find anyone,but I don’t care. Quit rubbing it in that I’m alone and get a room!

OpenOnThanksgiving48. Stores being open on Thanksgiving

Second year selection: 2015:28

The bad news is that this is on the list for a seconed consecutive year. The good news is that it slipped 20 places from its ranking a year ago,which means more and more retailers are getting the hint that the holidays are still a thing and the people who work for them have families they’d like to spend Thanksgiving with,too.

I’ve always hated the idea of retailers being open on Thanksgiving. I did it once and didn’t like it. I proceeded to get out of doing it every year afterwards. Employees shouldn’t have to try and weasel out of working on Thanksgiving, they should be off that day.

Thankfully,more and more companies understand that and have closed for the day. I hope that bandwagon gets bigger.

GunsandTrucks47. CATCH-ALL: People who constantly talk about guns and trucks on Facebook

First year selection

Good lord,stop it already with the constant truck and gun talk.

I see this a lot where someone talks about how much they love guns and they post memes about the Second Amendment and shit and photos of themselves at shooting ranges and their profile picture is the NRA logo and they drive some truck that’s lifted with monster truck wheels and a pair of fake testicles is hanging from the bumper in tribute to the ones they wish they had because they’re making up for their shortcomings by driving a big truck.

We get it,you’re so manly, shut up and talk about something else. Like sports,talk about that!

WhitePeopleGhetto46. White people from affluent suburbs who act “Ghetto”

First year selection

Something that’s bothered me for some time yet has never made the list is when people who are from a suburb that’s well off seem to think they’re ghetto. No,you’re not! Specifically locally if you’re from Carmichael,Fair Oaks,Citrus Heights,Roseville,Rocklin,Orangevale,Folsom,Granite Bay,Loomis,El Dorado Hills or various parts of Rancho Cordova (the good parts).

Your street cred has never come to exist and if it did,it died when Daddy bought you a new Lexus with a bow on it for Christmas from Lexus’ December to Remember Sales Event. It’s time to knock of the ghetto act and get a job or whatever it is you spoiled rich kids do who have it “so hard”.

SelfieSticks45. Selfie sticks

First year selection

I’m damn sure a lot of you are saying “NO! I love my selfie stick! I can get me and my 63 friends all in one shot!”. That’s nice and all,but let me explain my case for why this makes the list. They’re freakin’ annoying!

Just like Google glasses make someone look like they don’t have very many friends in life, getting a selfie stick is like being resigned to having to get one because none of your friends will take a picture of you and your posse for you.

If they’re so great,why did Disneyland ban them? I’ll tell you why,it’s because customers complained that the sticks were ruining their park experience,not to mention that when they’re being used on rides and obstructing someone’s view,yeah that can get pretty annoying. How about having a friend take a picture for you? If you don’t have any friends, then you should make some!

ButtonFlyJeans44. Button fly jeans

First year selection

I don’t understand why we still have these in 2015. Why in the world would anyone want to take an entire minute unfastening every button to remove their pants or vice versa? Also,it seems like every time I go to buy pants there are more and more button-fly pants than ones with zippers. It’s like a wild goose chase every time I try to find a pair of pants with a zipper. It’s outrageous!

I understand that a zipper is sometimes not the greatest idea,either,and I have gotten my underwear stuck in it a time or two and have broken a few, but I still prefer it over button-flys. I don’t want to spend extra time getting dressed or undressed. These just need to go,dude!

FakeNewsStoriesFacebook43. People who post fake news stories on Facebook

First time selection

We’ve all seen this. Where one of our Facebook friends posts a story on there and we think it’s true and all and then the clicking of the link happens and we get egg on our faces in the form of a page that basically says “Just kidding!”.

This is just like the chain Facebook status that people still post where they announce that they’re pregnant or some stupid shit like that. In an age where we actually do rely on Facebook for news because many outlets have a Facebook page, it’s kinda cruel to do something like that.

If I want fake news,I’ll watch Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live,thank you very much.

Alcohol42. People who name their kids after alcoholic beverages

First year selection

Just like last year when people naming their kid Hashtag was on the list, naming your kid after a potent potable is not the best idea.

Honestly,it’s not going to so your son any good by naming him Heineken or your daughter Hennessey. I doubt your child is going to get anywhere in life with the name MadDog 2020. It’s getting to the point where we may have to have the government step in and stop these bad names. That’s what they do in Canada. It may make people come to their senses and give their kids a proper fucking name.

Overall,I think what it says about you as a parent is that you’re not creative by naming your kid Coors Malone. What it does say is that you’re an alcoholic.

Crocs41. CATCH-ALL: Crocs and Cowboy boot sandals CowboyBootSandals

First year selections

Crocs have finally made their debut on our countdown and it’s about time. I’ve never liked these shoes to begin with, I understand the medical field is crazy about them,but I’m not a doctor,so I don’t care. I don’t know about y’all,but I’m not a guy who’s going to plunk down any amount of money to wear plastic shoes. Plastic glasses,yes,but footwear? Nah!

Also,what’s the deal with cowboy boot sandals? You mean to tell me you want the comfort of a sandal but the style of a cowboy boot? I don’t think so. It’s not a good idea, you’ll be regretting that fashion decision years later when Abe the Timehop Dinosaur digs up photos years later for you view and cringe at. You don’t need that in your life now,do you? I didn’t think so!

Part Four comes your way tomorrow!

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