The Things That Need to Go in 2016,Part One

Things16

Hello Everyone,

Welcome to our sixth edition of The Things That Need to Go list. This is the 2016 edition and we’re counting down to our list of 100. This is Part One of our list with Nos. 100-81. A full disclosure that this list is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken all too seriously. On we go!

Floydmayweather100. Floyd Mayweather

First year selection

I don’t care if he’s undefeated or that he basically ran around the goddamn ring against Manny Pacquiao in that overpriced,overhyped,and delayed boxing match that people insisted should happen for years and years and years,Floyd Mayweather is one of the reasons why boxing is in a stalemate these days and losing ground to UFC and mixed martial arts. His “perfect” record and his ego are killing the sport and it’s pretty sad. The thing that may revive it is the day when/”if” someone beats him.

He’s also not the best model citizen, he’s beaten up several girlfriends,he wastes money and flaunts his wealth is everyone’s face and he’s friends with Justin Bieber. Never be friends with Justin Bieber! Oh,and have I mentioned he’s a racist and a homophobe? Oh,well now you know!

I hope he reads this,but oh yeah,he can’t read. Welp!

Compact99. Compact parking spaces

Third year selection: 2015:93, 2013:50

Even though I have a bigger car now than I did a year ago,I still hate these spaces. They’re way too small, I have to squeeze out of my car each time I am forced to park into one,and for some reason there’s always a tree in front of one at the ones in shopping centers.

Also,some of them are way too small to even think about parking in one. If you go to the Roseville Galleria’s parking garage,then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Who the hell can park in those spots? Even when I had my Toyota Corolla, I cringed at the thought of parking there.

Let’s convert these into regular parking spots, am I right?

Intentional-Grounding98. Intentional grounding

Second year selection: 2015: 82

This is on our list again for a second consecutive year and yes,it’s still a dumb penalty. The quarterback should be able to throw the ball away when he needs to in order to avoid losing yards and possibly his head.

It’s probably the most useless and horrible penalty in all of football and I think it’s end should come sooner than later. Memo to offensive pass interference: You’re next!

HFCS97. High fructose corn syrup

Second year selection: 2015: 84

Yes,this is on our list again. Why? Because it’s still not good for you!

If you don’t know what it is,it’s an ingredient used in many products,soda being the main one. It replaced sugar in 1984 in almost all sodas. Lately,sodas like Pepsi and Dr. Pepper have offered versions of their beverages with real sugar and they’re much better tasting than their HFCS counterparts. I think the reason why HFCS is still used is because you can consume a drink faster than one with real sugar,and companies don’t want you to consume less,they want you to consume more.

All in all,this is a useless ingredient and it’s gotta get going!

MileyCyrusArmpitHair96. Women with armpit hair

First year selection

How the fuck did this become a trend this year?

From twats like Miley Cyrus to whoever the fuck Jemima Kurke is, ladies were letting their underarms get haiiry as fuck. It’s probably the grossest kind of hair you can possibly have because it smells bad under your arm sometimes. Even I hate having it as a guy.

Maybe it’s me and I like to smell good myself,but if I was with a girl and she didn’t do her best to smell good, we may not be together. And if she’s not shaving under the arms, that’s a big deal breaker. It’s just gross,man!

WeddingCharges95. Married couples who charge people who can’t make it to their wedding at the last minute

First year selection

This is a Keepin’ it Real selection here because I can’t believe this has happened and I feel like it’s going to again,but I hope not,hence why I placed it on the list.

A Minnesota couple was charged $75.90 because they were unable to attend a wedding at the last minute because they no longer had a sitter for their children.

Honestly,if you do or did this,you’re an asshole. Things happen at the last minute and suddenly you can’t make it somewhere. It’s happened to me before and I’m sure it’s happened to you. I understand that weddings are far from being cheap,but like I said,sometimes shit happens and punishing people because they weren’t there is an outrage and to an extent,greedy.

ajpierzynski94. A.J. Pierzynski

First year selection

Yes,this is correct. A.J. Pierzynski has made this list. Why? Because he’s just terrible as far as his personality.

I know some people are going to say “Well,if he was on your team,you’d like him!”. Spoiler alert: He WAS on my team. Back in 2004, he joined the Giants in a trade with Minnesota that sent Joe Nathan and Francisco Liriano there. Pierzynski was an asshole and a guy that Giants fans hated and they hated him even more when Nathan and Liriano became successful and the trade backfiring on the Giants for years afterwards.

I hate seeing him on anyone’s roster because of how much of a jerk he is. he’s selfish, very egotistical,and never takes any blame for anything that was ever his fault. I wish this guy would retire already,but teams keep seeming to give him chance after chance.

nutscaping93. Nutscaping

First year selection

This is one of those incredibly stupid things that I’m guessing mostly white guys do to try and be funny and/or cute, but it’s not.
If you don’t know what this is,and I’m sure that’s most of you, nutscaping is where some douchebag takes his junk and places it in an otherwise beautiful photo and it’s pretty disgusting. Something is obviously wrong with you if you’re doing this and your mature pills will be waiting for you at the pharmacy available for pick-up because y’all who do this are just fucked up!

It's called research. Look into it!
It’s called research. Look into it!

92. The meme that states that Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945 and that the Nazis surrendered a day later

First year selection

This meme floats around social media every once in a while and it states that Chuck Norris was born the day before the Nazis surrendered in World War II. Unfortunately that meme is a freakin’ lie.

Chuck Norris was born on Mar. 10,1940, a full five years before that occurred. The moment I saw that meme for the first time I knew it was bullshit because years prior I was surprised to know he was even as old as he is. The man looks great for his age. But when there’s a post on anything I know is wrong,I’ll call “bullshit” on it because I’ve done the research and it’s not true. I hope you do the same before something like this.

buffchicks91. Overly buff chicks

Second year selection: 2012,69

This hasn’t made the list in a while,but it has been on several brainstorming lists and now it’s back.

I don’t mind seeing ladies who have some muscle,but the ones who look like they raided Arnold Schwarzenegger’s medicine cabinet for some steroids just gross me out. I get that we all want to look good and have healthy bodies, but at the same time there’s a thing called overdoing it. Some things I find sexy and some things I don’t and chicks who have too much muscle mass just don’t do it for me.
It’s called having standards!

Sprinklers90. All drought snitches

First year selection

I get that we’re in a big time drought on the West Coast (It’s not just California,folks!), but being the guy who tells on someone that’s using too much water is a little bit snitchy.

I know we’re all trying to do our part in conserving water as we should because if you’ve seen Folsom Puddle, I mean Lake lately, it’s drying up faster than Peyton Manning’s career and the old mining town that was flooded to create the lake is resurfacing. But to be snitching on people that are using too much water is just juvenile.

ChrisBermanTrentDilfer89. CATCH-ALL: The idea of using Chris Berman as a play-by-play guy and Calling Levi’s Stadium “The Big Bell Bottom”

First year selections

Apologies from me for this not making the list in prior years,or even being thought of for consideration for it. This is the first Catch-All on the list!

As many of you know,the NFL opens the season with not just one Monday night game,but two. The first one is called by Mike Tirico and Jon Gruden and the second one is called by somebody else. That somebody else? Chris Berman!

Berman is great as a studio host and is one of ESPN’s founding fathers,but as a play-by-play guy he is downright terrible. If you watched the game between the Vikings and 49ers this year,you know exactly what I’m talking about. He was making awful references that nobody watching at home understood. He was referring to Levi’s Stadium as “The Big Bell Bottom” as if anyone outside of him will ever use that nickname. I know that “The Big Sombrero” reference for old Tampa Stadium stuck,but just because that one did doesn’t mean they all will or should.

I got to the fourth quarter before muting Berman and Trent Dilfer (who is a nice guy,but not the best analyst if you have to shout when you’re calling a game) and listening to the sounds of a fan blowing cold air into the room. That sounded much better than Berman ever did. I wish ESPN would just get someone else to do that second game on Monday or just don’t have it at all. You know?

I wanted to put this higher,but this does only happen once a year and while we have to suffer through it, this too will pass.

KirkCameron88. Kirk Cameron

First year selection

To some,this is a puzzling selection. I’ve had some ask me “Really,T.J.? Kirk Cameron? Why?”. Well,let me share why.
In case you don’t know,Cameron was on a show in the 1980s called “Growing Pains” on ABC,which was a great show. Towards the end of the show’s run, he became very fucked up on the lord and has fallen out of the public eye for the most part. In recent years he has said that gay marriage is “unnatural”

“I think that it’s detrimental and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization,”said Cameron.

He’s also in the past snitched on guys who watch porn and has been critical of other religions who only want to be included in more ways than one as far as public schools go. He seems like the kind of guy who wants to turn around the R in the Toys R Us sign,edits the phone book,and smells his own socks right before he takes them off. Oh,Kirk,how far you’ve fallen.

NFLYahoo87. NFL games on the internet only

First year selection

When I found out that there would be one of the London NFL games would be broadcast online only,I thought to myself “Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?”.

I get that it was a game between Buffalo and Jacksonville and that tjose markets got to see the game on television, but for those of us who have NFL Sunday Ticket and pay a lot of money for it every year it robbed us of an extra game to be able to see. No NFL game should ever be on the internet. Honestly,it makes the league look cheap as if they don’t want to put games on television. All games should be on television,you dig?

candycorn86. Candy corn

First year selection

I absolutely hate candy corn! Growing up as a kid it was one of my least favorite Halloween candies and anytime I got it while trick-or-treating I never ate it.

All it is is basically colored waxy sugar that gets stale quickly if you don’t gobble it up in a hurry,also too many candies like M&Ms are doing nobody any good with placing it in a candy bar. There’s a way for me to not buy your product. It’s just the worst and I know that when I have kids and yoink their candy,the candy corn is staying in there. I want no part of it!

SanFranciscoHundreds85. Apparel with stupid phrases like “Los Angeles Reckless” or “San Francisco Hundreds”

Second year selection,2015: 57

I still see these dumb hats and T-shirts and I still don’t know why.

I don’t know if these are a reference to drugs,or trying to be a sports hat or why anyone would quite frankly waster their money on one of these. I just think they’re stupid and it looks like some people are getting the hint because while I still see them,I see them less. I hope to continue to.

UsernamePassword84. “Your username and/or password is incorrect,please try again!”

Third year selection: 2015:22,2014:36

This is making the list again,but further down. Yes,it’s annoying when you incorrectly type your name and/or password and yes,we should have the technology for the server to inform us which one it is. The reason it has fallen is because usually we know what we did wrong and we know how to fix it.

Even still,it can’t be that hard to inform me if it’s one or the other. I think they should have the ability to do so. I wish we didn’t have to have so many passwords and usernames,but that’s just me,I guess.

 

GlassesFaceDown83. People who take their glasses off and set them face down

Fourth year selection: 2014:52, 2013:37,2012:39

This returns to the list simply because it makes me cringe whenever people set their glasses face down. Long ago I learned never to do this because it can scratch your lenses. By the way,I haven’t scratched my last four pairs of glasses.

I know that glasses nowadays are made with scratch-resistant technology,but I still think the glasses should be sitting up and not down when they aren’t on your face.You know?

BrownEyes82. People who hate their brown eyes

First year selection

If you know me personally or have seen me in public,I have brown eyes. Yes,they’re hiding behind a pair of eyeglasses most of the time and if we’re outside,those lenses are tinted,but they’re brown and I’ve grown quite fond of them. For the life of me,I don’t know why so many people who do have them don’t like them or have that some fondness that I do.

I get it,brown eyes aren’t as appealing as a blue eye or a green eye or even a gray eye,but that doesn’t mean brown eyes aren’t as nice. I personally think brown eyes are attractive. To me,it shows a person’s warmth and in their own special way are unique despite being so common.

I think that we,at times,need to stop wishing we had something we never will and embrace what we do have. Your brown eyes are just as great,you just don’t know it yet!

TattooedHair81. Tattooed hairlines

First year selection

Yes,this is a real thing,yes it’s time for it to go!

I don’t understand why anyone would want to do this. I myself fall into the category of people who this is marketed for because I am bald and if I were to grow my hair back it would look pretty much like George Costanza’s hair.

Honestly,I don’t think is a good idea for anybody. Baldness happens, it happened to me,it’s happened to others,and maybe one day it will happen to you. I embraced it early and haven’t looked back. I understand that going bald sucks for you,but this is just all bad. What if you want the rest of your hair to grow out at some point? You’ll have this weird hairline on your head that you inked up years back. That inked hairline is no substitute for real hair.

Just do what I did, let that scalp shine! Bald is beautiful!

Part Two comes your way tomorrow!

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