From the home office of T.J. the Sports Geek in Orangevale,Calif.

Top Eight Signs Your Hockey Team is Not Going to Have a Good Season

8. Goalie is too busy touring with Taylor Swift 

7. Coach spends time practicing layups

6. Home games played on a giant hot griddle full of bacon grease

5. Instead of fighting other team, they play patty-cake with them

4. Team’s idea of a power play is three chicks at the same time

3. No number 3-It got past Viktor Fasth for a game winner for the other team

2. Crashing the boards has been replaced crashing birthday parties at John’s Incredible Pizza

1. Team name rhymes with Moronto Paple Beafs