From the offices of T.J. the Sports Geek in downtown Orangevale, Calif.

Top Eight People Who Will Go To Hell

8. Whoever told Shaquille O’Neal he could act

7. People who’s answering machine messages ever started “Hello? Oh,I’m sorry but we’re not home right now!”

6. Whoever told Shaquille O’Neal he could rap

5. Former Safeway CEO Steven Burd…no explanation needed

4. People who say that the movie Junior starring Arnold Schwarzenegger was an “awesome movie” (Have a little respect for yourself!)

3. Just about anyone who appears on a TLC reality show

2. People who visit there (I’m speaking of Hell,Michigan, of course!)

1.Anyone who has ever replied “K” to a text with personal meaning