From the T.J. the Sports Geek Quarantine Center and Sign Engraving Booth

Top Eight Unpleasant Things To Hear on an Elevator

8. Wanna see my inguinal hernia scar?

7. We’re both going to the sixth floor, how about a hug?

6. Did you know this is a great place to play a kazoo?

5. Do you have a moment to hear about the Church of Scientology?

4. Does this smell like mayonnaise to you?

3. Ignore Barkley, he’s getting fixed soon

2. Did you know my underwear are reversible? 

1. I’m going to ask you again, Mr. Biden, would you please stop sniffing my hair?