We’re almost to a new year and with that comes my predictions for it. While I went on a limb with a quite a few of my predictions for 2016, I only managed to get 2 ½ of them correct. The Arizona Diamondbacks with their high-priced pitchers got nowhere near a World Series, this year’s election sucked hard,and the Rams moving to Los Angeles got me half a prediction correct. So here we go with my prognostications for 2017.
10. DeMarcus Cousins will be either traded or will sign elsewhere after this season
I don’t think the DeMarcus Cousins era in Sacramento will be continuing much longer. I think either he gets traded by the league’s deadline or he goes somewhere else after the season. I know the Kings aren’t doing half bad right nw,but at some point he’s going to do something that is going to yet again rub fans the wrong way and eventually the front office of the team. It’s bad enough he and teammate Matt Barnes are in trouble with the law in New York City, I doubt that he’s going to mature and be the leader this team needs him to be in a heartbeat. He’s had seven years to do that.
9. A bill will go to Congress regarding the State of Jefferson and will die a swift death
There are many Northern Californians who want to break their portion of the state off and form their own state, Jefferson,which almost happened 75 years ago before World War II was the country’s main priority. I have a feeling that those wannabe Jeffersonians will get their due when a bill goes to Congress to have their bid for statehood voted on,but it will sadly die a quick death before vote even happens.
Do I think there will be a 51st state in my lifetime? Yes,but it won’t be at the expense or dissolving of California. Sorry,rednecks!
8. Station wagons will make a comeback
You know what we never see anymore? Station wagons. Sure,there are some that are still around,but not as much as they were when I was a kid in the 1980s and 1990s. Even one of my friends had one in high school that seated nine and had a set of golf clubs in the back that were basically included with it.
I think these cars are due for a comeback and I want to see these cars do what bigger SUVs and minivans can, seat seven, carry all the groceries,and yes,even simulated wood paneling covering 40-percent of the vehicle. It would be awesome! I wonder how many soccer moms would roll in one if they were brought back.
7. I will be below 200 pounds for the first time since 2014
As of press time,I’m in the neighborhood of 230 pounds, which means I’m at my heaviest. The last time I was below 200 pounds was in 2014 at 197 pounds. I have really let myself go and it’s time I did something about it.
Being this overweight has caused a lot of problems for me. I’m constantly out of breath, I have a lot of problems with my back,and I don’t feel very attractive at all. I think if I can shed 40 pounds this year I’ll be able to feel better about myself and even where life is going for me.
6. A photo will leak of Donald Trump without his toupee on,proving that his hair is in fact not real
For years the question has been asked whether or not the hair of America’s next mistake is actually real. I think it’s fake as evidenced by the times it’s been lifted up by the wind, others think it’s real,but I’m of the belief that those people want to sniff this man’s crotch because he’s Donald Trump.
Either way, this King of Wishful Thinking choice is one I’ve been hoping will happen for years. I would love to see a photo of him without that ferret on his goddamn head that would vindicate myself and all of us who think this douchebag’s hair is as fake as wrestling.
5. A Heaven’s Gate-style cult will pop up and will claim many lives. The followers will wear matching all-black Vans Authentic sneakers
You know what we haven’t had in a long time? A cult with followers that end up 86-ing themselves because the leader tells them to.
I think this year with the vast uncertainties we have facing us and with people wanting to find something to believe in will find a cult to be with and will end up dying when the leader convinced them that they will end up on another planet if they drink some magic elixir of some kind. And they’ll all be doing it wearing the preferred sneaker of many retail workers-the all-black Vans Authentic.
Now,I don’t want this to happen at all,but if it happens,you’ll know who called it.
4. Connor McDavid will win the Hart Trophy
The Edmonton Oilers have been having a bounceback season and leading the way is their captain, 19-year-old Connor McDavid.
He is the next great generational talent and is taking the league by storm and leading the Oilers to a place that they haven’t been in a while,and I think as long as he is having this great of a season,he is the odds on favorite to win the Hart Trophy this year. He’s that good! It wouldn’t surprise me if he wins this award,but he will do it if he can get Edmonton to postseason play this year.
3. The following sports teams will win the top overall pick in the draft in their respective leagues: Cleveland Browns, Sacramento Kings,Arizona Coyotes
In any sport there must always be a bottom feeder and those teams usually get rewarded with high draft picks. In the NFL, I think the perennially bad Cleveland Browns will receive the top draft choice over the San Francisco 49ers. That team is just that bad. In the NBA, I think the Sacramento Kings will get it. Keep in mind,this team is as of press time hovering near a playoff spot.
However, I think they’ll fall back into reality and may win the draft lottery whether they have one ping pong ball or a fourth of them, they will finally win something. In the NHL, I think the Coyotes nab it. They’re still rebuilding and getting younger and currently have the worst point total in the league.
2. Even more celebrities will die than in 2016
I don’t want this to happen at all and I think with all the great famous people to leave us in 2016 that there might be more coming.
Without naming names, we do have quite a few beloved celebrities who are up there in age and as much as we want them to live forever and as much as God has the ability to let that happen, chances are it won’t.
Again,I hope I’m wrong about this,but I have a strange feeling I’m not.
1. Donald Trump will face impeachment
Now that the Angry Cheeto man is going to be this country’s next big mistake,I mean President, I think that once it’s shown how fast and loose he is and has been with the law, it will translate into his presidency. His unpredictability may make Congress uneasy and both Republicans and Democrats could find a way to get him the hell out of office. It may not happen, but if it does,you guys are going to look to me and say, “Damn,the Sports Geek called it!”.
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