From the home office of tjthesportsgeek.com in downtown Orangevale, Calif.

Top Eight Signs You’re at a Bad Memorial Day Barbecue

8. It’s being held on Veteran’s Day
7. The “Giraffe Burgers” that host is cooking have warranted a visit from the Zoological Association of America
6. It’s being held on a patch of Highway 50 median strip
5. “Cole Slaw” ingredients consist of sour cream and beard shavings
4. Robert Blake keeps going back inside the house to retrieve his lawn darts
3. Every few minutes, the cook pulls up his shirt and grabs his nipples with the tongs
2. Things seem tense between your hosts, Roger Goodell and Tom Brady
1. BBQ DJ? Lou Bega