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The Things That Need to Go in 2014,Part Four


We are at Part Four now. The first three parts were just great, the last part brought us selfies and Vinny Griffin. Here is the next part of our six-part series. Here is No. 40!

Facebook40. People who have a shared Facebook account
First year selection

I always wonder why some folks have a shared Facebook account. Are you not worthy enough for your own account?
Sharing is caring most of the time, but why would you share a Facebook account with someone? I just don’t get it.

bumperstickers39. Bumper stickers
Fourth year selection,2013: 15, 2012: 18,2011:9

This has slipped a bit, but bumper stickers continue to be a Things That Need to Go list staple. There is absolutely no use for these. They are a road hazard, they don’t make your car look any better, and nobody cares.

I could care less about the candidate for President that you voted for (and who lost), what football team you hate, what radio station you listen to,and how well you kid does in school. How important is all of that for me to know? Probably not that much.

Maxwell38. Maxwell the Geico pig
First year selection

I will admit,the pig was cute the first time he was on a Geico commercial,but his overuse since has been a nightmare to watch. Not only that,but a pig cannot drive a car. Ever.

Do us a favor,Geico and get rid of this pig forever. It is bad enough that it took forever for you to realize that the Cavemen were awful after 2008. Just give us what we want: the gecko, the Hump-Day camel,and Old McDonald (who may or may not be Tim Conway). Up yours,Maxwell!

fancouples37. People who change their sports allegiances to their lover’s team
First year selection

This bugs me a lot and it is usually women that do it. Some women who have allegiances to a sports team will all of sudden cheer for the team of their boyfriend or husband because they want to be supportive of their interests.

How about having differences in your relationship and with yourselves? I have said this before,part of what makes all of us great as people and as individuals is what makes all of us different. If you are a Yankees fan and your lover is a Cubs fan,stay a Yankees fan. Don’t change because of someone else. That means that that person never liked you the way you were in the first place and that’s not worth anything when it comes down to it. Be you!

SaveIcon36. The floppy disk as the Save icon on all computers
First year selection

You are probably wondering why this made the list. It is not because I think it is bad,but because of how outdated it is. This is 2013, computers are not equipped with disk drives anymore, so shouldn’t this icon be a flash drive now? I think it’s time that the icon was updated. It should have been years ago.

Sluts35. People who think “acting like a slut” suffices as growing up
First year selection

When did bending over to have someone fake hump you translate into someone growing up?

Maybe it is just me,but someone who is acting like a slut and has hit their 20s is not a grown-up to me other than in age. If you ask me, that person still has more growing up to do. Being on TMZ on a regular basis is not something to be proud of. Ever.

What makes you grown up is making good,sound decisions in life that benefit you for the long run. Acting like a moron in the moment says to me that you have some time to go before you have made yourself mature.

MileyMustache34. Girls with obsessions with mustaches
Second year selection,2013: 55 (CATCH-ALL)

This is up from last year’s list because it doesn’t make any sense and nobody knows what it means,and no,it’s not provocative.
What is the big fucking deal with mustaches? It’s just facial hair,ladies. We do not need to have mustaches on socks or shirts or,god forbid,on your faces. Also,stop attaching them to sunglasses. It’s not fucking cute at all.
Mustaches are way overrated, unless you are Ron Burgundy chances are your mustache is not that great looking (See: Rich Hoffman from Jackson Rancheria). Grow a beard or goatee if you truly want facial hair.

One more thing, finger mustache tattoos suck,too!

palinwink33. Anyone with the last name of Palin

Third year selection,2013: 36,2011:1

For the most part I have done away with a lot of political entries, and they will be less and less as time goes on,but this one had to return. I cannot stand this family,especially the matriarch of it.
Sarah Palin is awful,everything she says makes no sense and she seems out of touch with the rest of the country. She has yet to go away when she should have the first time she was on this list in 2011 (She was the first top entry,so was her family!)
I hope to God she does not make this list next year. Somehow I think she will,though.

IceCubeCoors32. Ice Cube yelling at a can of beer

Second year selection,2013: 40

Look kids, it’s a falling star,make a wish!

Is this all that Ice Cube does? Yelling at beer cans?

I was hoping we were done with these crappy commercials featuring Ice Cube,who reminds me of Clint Eastwood speaking to a chair, yelling at a beer can that s colder than me.

Do us a favor,Cube,how about going back to the porch with Chris Tucker on a Friday. We are all waiting for the fourth one, deliver it!

ManBuns31. Men with hair buns
First year selection

A lot of men have long hair,and while I am fine with that,tying it in a bun like women do is unacceptable. That is grounds for Man card revocation if you ask me. Tie it another way,fellas!

30. Dumb songs
First year selection

The last few years have seen a lot of dumb songs be released. From “Friday” to “Gangnam Style” to the now-recent “Chinese Food” and “What Does the Fox Say?”, songs have become truly awful,not to mention very dumb.

The one that I fail to understand is “What Does the Fox Say?”. Why was this song ever created? Why did I waste four minutes of my life (that I am not getting back) watching it? and Why should I give a shit what a fox says?

The only good thing about that song was Morgan Freeman reading the lyrics on You Tube,other than that, this sucked and songs like it suck. Make a song that means something.

uggs29. Uggs
Fourth year selection,2013: 21, 2012: 31,2011: 21

These ugly moon boots are back on the list and their existence continues to irritate me.

I get that these things are soooooooooo comfortable,but why are they so fucking ugly? More so, why have they lasted over a decade here? And why are they so expensive?

I know I am not alone in my feelings of these ugly boots. How about wearing something stylish? Style > Comfort

FWP28. First world problems at Thanksgiving or Christmas time
Second year selection,2013: 17

This made the list again partly due to the fact that people are greedy and selfish this time of year. Not to mention they are not appreciative of what they already have.

When some punk bitches about not getting an iPhone or a car for Christmas, I want to fight them. How could you feel so entitled?

When I wasn’t doing as well as I am now I never once asked for outlandish things like that because these days I usually get the things I want myself because I work hard to be able to do that. What I want to do is get things for others and maybe get things I need, not things I feel I should be entitled to.

Being with my family for the holiday and being healthy for it is enough for me and to see them happy as well. That should be enough for anyone with a soul.

LisaLampanelli27. Lisa Lampanelli

First year selection

For a brief time I thought she was funny. Then she got overexposed on every Comedy Central roast and now she is one comedian I cannot stand whatsoever.

“Hi,it’s L.L. I am doing the same tired bits about how I love black guys and telling racist jokes. I am also really fat. Yeah,I’m funny!”

Ah,no,you’re not! Your act is a tired one,and you should watch your back because Amy Schumer,who has a raunchier act than you, is right behind you. You should run and hide before she steals what is left of your career and your act.

TORONTO, ON - JULY 10h, 2012 - For story on wearing flip flops at work.26. Flip flops in the office

First year selection

I work in an office now and during the warmer months, many of the folks wear flip flops. While I understand that they want to be comfortable on the job, I hardly think that it is appropriate work footwear unless you are a lifeguard at the beach or a waterpark. I feel that way not just in the office,but at graduation,at somebody’s non-beach wedding, at formal events…anywhere that the situation doesn’t call for them really.

Flakes25. Flaky people
First year selection

This would just about bug anybody, but for me it bugs me so much that it has to be on the list. I will say that I have been guilty of this in the past, but I have done my best to not be this way. Too many times the last couple of years a few people have flaked on me and I shall be honest, I have no time in my life for people to not follow through with me. Whether it be plans I made with someone or they were supposed to give me something or they told me they had something for me and I never got it.

It’s just bothersome to me and I’m a busy guy. While I’m more than willing to give my time to someone, it needs to be worth my time. Time is a terrible thing to waste.

bieber24. Justin Bieber
First year selection

Some of you are wondering why it took four years for Bieber to make the list and the reason is that I saw little reason to place him there. He is starting to bug me now with him being a bandwagon NBA fan (pick a team and stick with them, don’t wear one team’s hat one week and another the next) and his being a punk and getting into legal trouble.

One good thing happened and that was that Selena Gomez lost him and found she had better taste in men (or so we hope) and he is a free agent who never sings any songs anymore and instead does Macy’s commercials. Maybe the not singing is a good thing. If only Miley Cyrus (who we will get to later,hold your horses!) could make that same kind of commitment.

Get a life!

23. CATCH-ALL:Tent cities outside of Best Buy and retailers being open on Thanksgiving
Second year selection,2013: 27

This should be higher and if this continues it might be next year,but the tent cities outside of not just Best Buy but every retailer that is open on Thanksgiving just rubs me the wrong way.

I am a Thanksgiving fan, I fucking love that day and everything about it from the food to the football to the occasional game of Cards Against Humanity. Why would anyone give that up to get a flat screen TV for $100 that they have six of?

I wish someone would dress up as a bear and scare these campers, that would be hilarious! It might get them to think twice about doing it again next year.

gumonground22. People who throw their gum on the ground
Second year selection,2013: 7

This situation happens to me less and less because I no longer work in grocery and I am less prone to it happening. But it is still an annoyance.

Why do people not know where a garbage can is? It’s not hard to locate one to throw your gum in! Throwing it on the ground so it gets stuck to my shoe is not cool.
bartman21. Idiot fans who touch a fair ball going down either the first or third base line, or if it is close to the fence in the outfield
First year selection

This happened way too much this past baseball season and fans need to learn proper etiquette when it comes to a ball that is in play. If you are on the first or third base side and it goes over the bag and in foul territory, that is a fair ball. Please refrain from touching it. I know you want a ball from the game, but you can’t have that one. Do us a favor, wait until the batboy or ball dude picks it up and tosses it to someone before you doing so first.

As for those of you in the outfield, give the outfielder a chance to make a play on the ball. Don’t get involved in the play. You do want to stay and watch the game,right? Well then do that!

Part Five comes tomorrow!

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December 2013
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