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The Things That Need to Go in 2014,Part One


The fourth edition of the list is finally here. Just like last year the list is 100 items long with a few catch-alls. I absolutely want to thank everyone who was able to contribute to this, it is always a lot of fun to do this,albeit it is a lot of work. Without any further adieu, here we go with Part One!

PolishJokesBLB100. Polish jokes
First Year Selection
You are probably wondering why this is on the list. I should explain, Polish jokes are not funny anymore. One may argue that they were never funny to begin with.I have no idea why people still tell them, we’re in the 21st century now, it is not the 1980s anymore. I beg everyone who still tells these racist and stupid jokes to just stop.

Bingo99. People who shout Bingo! whenever a number is called at the DMV
First Year Selection
I work at the DMV now and have just finished my first year there. One thing I noticed with customers who have been waiting for a while is that they will yell Bingo! when either their number or someone else’s number is called. The first couple of weeks I was there after coming back from training, it was cute. The novelty wore off fast. How about saying Yahtzee? Or Touchdown? Or just being quiet until I or one of my associates helps you. This is not Madison Mall Bingo,folks!


98. Ugly Christmas sweaters and the parties that feature them
First Year Selection
Something you will probably be seeing in the coming weeks around college campuses and in other people’s homes are Ugly Christmas sweater parties. This, like shouting Bingo! at the DMV, was cute the first few times it was done. This kinda stopped being cute and/or original around 2010 or 2011. I think this is kinda played out. I have a feeling that the end of the trend is coming, hopefully that holds true.

facebook-logo97. People who omit their last name on Facebook
First Year Selection
Okay, I don’t understand why people do this. A lot of my friends have in the past year have decided to omit their surnames on Facebook and for the life of me I don’t understand it. Do you hate your last name? Are you ashamed of your family? Do you have something to hide? Are you in the Witness Relocation Program? (If you are, you probably shouldn’t be on Facebook). Not putting your last name on Facebook is silly. Be proud of who you are!

InsaneClownPosse96. Insane Clown Posse
Second Year Selection, 2013: 89
This was on the list last year and it has fallen a few spots.
I have never liked this group at all and I wonder why they are even relevant to some people after all these years. Hasn’t anyone heard? White people are not good at rapping (except for Eminem) and it seems to me that some folks just don’t learn from history. You Juggalos need to understand that these guys are not very good and their music is,has been,and always will be awful.

KidsMarried95. Kids who want to get married
Second year selection, 2013: 43
This made the list last year and it seems to be continuing,and I am not talking about 21 and 22 year-olds, I am talking about 16 and 17 year-olds who think they have life figured out and are rushing to get married and have babies.
What in the hell is the rush? Have you forgotten to enjoy life? Are you crazy?
All I am saying is marriage can wait, you have the rest of your life after high school and college if you are lucky enough to go to that. Now go play outside!

E!94. Every E! show that is not named The Soup
Second year selection,2013: 74 (CATCH-ALL)
I will be upfront and honest with you, I hardly watch this network anymore because of the crappy shows on it. Whatever happened to the shows like True Hollywood Story (not the ones with non-celebrities)? Instead we have terrible stuff like the nine shows that feature the Kardashians and that crap-bag Kanye West. The only show that is worth a crap on E! is The Soup. Joel McHale is brilliant on that show, it is hilarious! How about just showing The Soup and nothing but that? That might be fun!

93. Parodies of TV commercials from 20 years ago
First Year Selection
Not only are our movies and television shows remakes, but also now are the commercials in between those remade programs. Did any of you see the McDonald’s commercial for the Mighty Wings with Joe Flacco and Colin Kaepernick that basically remade the commercial Michael Jordan and Larry Bird made back in 1993? And then there was the mystery of who stole their wings and it was revealed that Bird was the culprit. Wow, what a fucking cliffhanger that was, I thought that it was going to be Chris Mullin. Hollywood has become such a joke with being so unoriginal that now it is plaguing our advertisements.

miraclewhip92. Miracle Whip

Third Year Selection, 2013: 19, 2012: 10

This item has made the list the last three years now and I still hate this crap. It is low on the list because it is going nowhere anytime soon, so many people seem to love it for some reason and I am unsure why.

This is not mayonnaise and even if it was, it is not any good-tasting. It is kind of a poser mayonnaise. And by the way, I have yet to figure out what the miracle is. Is it that people buy it? That it was ever made in the first place? WHAT?
PetsWithFacebook91. CATCH-ALL: Pets and inanimate objects with their own social media accounts

First Year Selection

I swear this made the list last year,but I checked our archives from last year and I guess it failed to. Well,it has this year.

Why does your pet need a Facebook account? They do not talk, they have no way to access a computer and it is not even cute. Also, why do things like Lady GaGas kneecap or the oatmeal of a local news reporter need Twitter accounts? Isn’t this just more than borderline stupid and silly. I think it is!
Bad-spelling90. People who choose not to spell words correctly

Third year selection,2012: 14,2011: 19

This has long been a pet peeve on mine and something has to be said about people who decide that the correct spelling of words no longer matters. I know some folks use shorthand on text messages and such, these people are not who I am talking about. I am talking about the ones who spell words wrong on official documents and flunked spelling tests in elementary school.

I am going to toot my own horn here; I am a fucking awesome speller. I take extreme pride in that. It bugs the shit out of me that people, in the society of today, absolutely do not try to spell words correctly. I have breaking news for you: it is NOT hard to know how to spell. Not hard at all. Maybe it is just me being anal about it, but I could not care less. This, like putting on clothes and shampooing your hair, is a simple thing in life.


89. Calling San Francisco “Frisco”
First Year Selection
The locals hate when you call it Frisco,so stop it! That is all I have for this one!

birthday_cake88. People who pretend it’s their birthday at a restaurant so they can get free dessert
First year selection
I am starting to really hate people who do this. Why you ask? Because this takes away from the novelty of even celebrating a birthday. When you get a free dessert on your birthday, that should be considered an honor that a restaurant is lucky to bestow upon you. The people that do this routinely are,in my mind,a bunch of cheapskates and you are cheating and abusing the system.

LASIK87. LASIK patients who belittle or look down on people who wear glasses as if they’re scumbags
First year selection
I hate to hate on people who have had LASIK because they did make a life decision that,for them, has benefitted them for the better. However, there are those people who have had it who look down on us four-eyed people who either haven’t or won’t because they think for some reason that we are inferior people. There is this one local radio show in the morning that is an awful show where one of the hosts has had it and he brags on and on and on…and on about how great it is as if its better than sex. I remember hearing one commercial they did where he says ridiculous shit like “Oh, glasses will be obsolete in 10 or 15 years.”
Look, I get it, you hated your glasses when you were younger and your life is so much better and you’re so much more attractive now that you dont need them. Good for you, here’s your fucking medal! How about toning it down a bit? I don’t want LASIK, I don’t want to get rid of my glasses, and I don’t want your logic crammed down my fucking throat!

86. Newscasters that dress like slobs
First year selection
I watch a lot of television news and while I have resigned myself to the fact that news organizations do not always get it right (See: KTVU), one thing I do expect is for the people giving me the news is to look their best. By that I mean the gentlemen need to be in a suit,tie,and dress shoes and for the ladies that means a business suit or something of that affect and heels. When I see an anchor wearing a blazer,jeans,and sneakers and/or a female anchor in flats or keeping it too casual, I cringe.
You are on the news. This isn’t casual day at work.Ever. You are there to inform the citizens of that area on the days events, that is a profession where looking your best matters and if you look good,you feel good. Oh,and while we’re at it, morning shows where they dress in costumes is not okay. Act like you care about your job!

WinterBBQ85. People who think you can barbecue during only the summer
First year selection
Why is it that people think having a barbecue is a summertime only thing? I understand people mostly associate it with summer, but if you ask me the wintertime is just as good of a time. Don’t believe me? Ask tailgaters in NFL cold weather cities how great it is.
I just refuse to buy into the myth that summertime is the only time that that cooking activity is ever allowed to happen. A wintertime barbecue is absolutely acceptable. I think,if anything, we should have more barbecues that time of the year. In fact, I think the President should encourage it. He might get more support from people if he does. Who knows?

ColiseumThirdDeck84. The third deck at the Oakland Coliseum

First year selection

I have long uttered my distate and displeasure for the Oakland Coliseum. That place is a dump, it is uglier than some prisons and they never draw any big crowds there except for when Oakland A’s fans come out of hiding the last two weeks of the season. Beyond that, they have,for some reason, a third deck that gets unused during football and baseball season. During baseball season the A’s have a green and yellow tarp around it and when it reverts to being what it truly is, a football stadium, the raiders also have their own tarp with a Raiders shield on Mount Davis,which by the way, was built for them in 1996.

I have a solution,why not just get rid of the third deck entirely? It seems to me like it has outlived its usefulness not to mention that it is an eyesore that absolutely does not to be there.

It’s clear to me that a new stadium is not coming to Oakland anytime soon, so instead,why not do this?

photobombing83. Photobombing
Second year selection,2013: 77
I truly have never understood photobombing. Maybe its my age,maybe it is something else, I just dont think this is in any way cute or funny. This is the same as putting bunny ears on someone in a photo (By the way,whatever happened to that?). For the life of me I just can’t defend this or support this. This has to go, this is just people being douches when you are trying to get a good photo going on.

FakeMarriageProposal82. Fake marriage proposal rejections at sporting events
First year selection
This has been happening more and more at major league and minor league sporting events where some guy is proposing to a girl asking for her hand in marriage and she gets scared or nervous and says No and runs off. Here is why its stupid: it’s totally fake.

Many of these set-ups are done using employees of the team and its done to get publicity for the team and to get themselves on the news. It has been happening way too much lately and it needs to stop.
I have little belief that during the legit proposals that do happen at stadiums that the girl would say No. Many of them actually say Yes. If they say no, I question the authenticity of the whole proposal. You gotta say yes if it is legit,yo!

mankini81. Mankinis
First year selection

Something has gone terribly wrong in our world when something as atrocious as a mankini makes our list. Not Mankini from The Soup,of course,he is exempt because he is hilarious. I am talking about what you see pictured.

Okay,four questions: Who does that? Who has time?, How is this comfortable? and How is this appropriate beach wear for a guy? Maybe this is a European thing that I cannot even try to understand, but this just looks…wrong.

This seriously may be higher on the 2015 list if this trend continues.

Part Two tomorrow!

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December 2013
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