From the home offices at tjthesportsgeek.com in beautiful downtown Orangevale,Calif.

Top Ten Signs You’re At A Bad Beach

8. Everyone’s fighting for the same limited space along with all of the dead whale carcasses
7. Raftfuls of immigrants land,take a look around,then they go back out to sea
6. Instead of seashells,your kids are collecting used medical waste
5. You’re not drowning,but David Hasselhoff is giving you mouth-to-mouth anyways
4. Name of beach: Smelly Beach
3. Guy with metal detector finds nothing but old empty cans of “Red Dog” beer
2. You have to bring your own sand
1. It’s a nude beach full of nothing but fat white guys