From the home offices at tjthesportsgeek.com in beautiful downtown Orangevale,Calif.

Top Eight Signs You’re Already Having a Bad Year

8. You’re still writing 2016 on all of your sperm donor applications
7. Several herpes medicine companies have asked you to pose for their Before photos
6. Three weeks ago you converted all your money into Disney Dollars
5. The front of your NBA jersey reads “Brooklyn”
4. There’s a rash in the shape of 2017 novelty glasses on your face
3. You still haven’t caught a Snorlax (T.J. the Sports Geek only)
2. Someone stole your freshly washed Chevy Astro van
1. An angry Cheeto with a bad wig just became your president