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The Most Bizarre Things About 2016

We did this list last year and I actually had a lot of fun doing it,so we’re doing it again this year. Here are the ten most bizarre things this year had to offer us.

ryanlochte10. Ryan Lochte faking being robbed

During the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janiero, USA swimmer Ryan Lochte claimed that he and his teammates were robbed at a gas station. All of us were shocked and were glad the dude was okay.

However, it was revealed days later that the story was made up and the people who revealed it were his teammates that were apparently with him. Lochte was suspended for 10 months and lost endorsement deals. Somehow he still got to be on Dancing with the Stars despite everything.

What made this bizarre to me was why anyone would fabricate such a horrific crime to begin with. What’s the motivation for that? It’s something that months later I still don’t understand.

9. The USA Freedom Kids

Remember these girls earlier in the year who performed at a Donald Trump rally with their music that was described by Stephen Colbert as “a bald eagle marching on a Casio keyboard.”? Well that was a bizarre experience to witness in many ways.

First off,leave children out of political statements. Using your kids as pawns for your message politially makes you a shitty parent. Seeing these girls parade around a stage and sing about Donald Trump making America great was not the wisest thing to do,especially after his campaign decided not to pay them as if their father actually expected a guy like Trump to make good on a deal.

I hope the kids and their dad learned that their weird act wasn’t a good call and that it wasn’t worth it in the end.

whopperito8. The Whopperito

Burger King had an idea to turn their classic Whopper sandwich into a burrito. Enter the Whopperito.

Now,I unfortunately didn’t get to try it,but from the people who I know that did saif it wasn’t half bad. It was different because the beef from the Whopper was more spicy and there was queso sauce involved.

It’s bizarre to me to have the contents of a burger inside a burrito like Burger King did. Sure,there have been others similar,but nothing like this.

7. Buffalo Bills fans

The weirdest and possibly most raunchiest of fans in all of sports have to be from Buffalo, particularly Bills fans. You know that classmate that everyone knew as the guy who would consume a beverage that had water,cinnamon,and hot glue in the cup? That guy is probably apart of the Bills mafia now. That same mafia that fondles women in the stands,that has sex at tailgate parties, that throws guys through tables at those same tailgate parties, that throws dildos onto the field when Rob Gronkowski is walking into their end zone yet again.

It’s been 17 years since the Bills last made the playoffs and the fans have been as restless and starved to see their boys in the playoffs for the first time in the 21st Century, therefore they’ve gone crazy. All these folks create a pretty bizarre scene. I know that your squad isn’t playoff bound,but tone it down,Buffalo, you’re making Raiders fans look sane.

6. Damn Daniel

For a few weeks this year,some kid named Daniel was famous for some reason because he wore a pair of white Vans to school every day and he had a buddy of his record it all for Snapchat who had the most annoying voice of any high school kid ever.

It was not only bizarre that it for whatever reason became famous, but that the kid has a lifetime supply of Vans because of it. Even sales of white Vans authentic sneakers skyrocketed.

What the hell? I’ve been rocking Converse All-Stars for 12 years now and I’m still waiting for my lifetime supply of free shoes.

Come on,Converse, I have given you free publicity on this very site for years and no free shoes are at my doorstep. Hook a dude up,and no,not with any pairs of Chuck IIs.

harambe5. The Harambe obsession

I get that people were sad that a gorilla was put to death because a child was in danger after falling into the animal’s pen, but the ongoing obsession of Harambe was not just bizarre,but unwarranted.

First of all, as I mentioned in Part One of The Things That Need to Go in 2017, unless you live in Southern Ohio or Northern Kentucky you had no fucking clue who Harambe was. All of a sudden everything is in tribute to Harambe and “Don’t you dare insult Harambe or disrespect Harambe” and of course the phrase “Dicks our for Harambe”, all for a gorilla that nobody knew about until he was dead.

If you really pulled out your penis to salute Harambe, you probably need a hobby or a girlfriend,or both.

bochycasilla4. Bruce Bochy’s love affair with Santiago Casilla

Not only did the Giants have a giant collapse in the second half of the season, they had a player who was the symbol of that: Santiago Casilla.

Casilla blew nine saves in 2016 and the Giants led all of baseball in blown saves and nothing was done about it. Only one bullpen move was made and that move was not to displace Casilla as the closer, in fact, Bruce Bochy went to him more and more and it was bizarre as to why he did it. It seemed like there was almost a love affair between manager and pitcher. Did Casilla have naked pictures of Bochy or something?

It irritated Giants fans to their core and was the result of the team signing Mark Melancon to be the team’s closer for the foreseeable future,a move that should’ve been made a few months earlier.

ChrisSaleThrowback3. Chris Sale chopping up his team’s throwback uniforms

Before a game in July, then-Chicago White Sox pitcher Chris Sale was sent home for insubordination after taking a disliking to the team wearing throwback uniforms that he found to be uncomfortable.

The way he took the news was bizarre in itself, Sale took a knife to several of the uniforms the team was slated to wear. He was then suspended five games after the incident. The team was then relegated to wear a different set of throwback uniforms because of what Sale did to the other sets.

Sale’s punishment didn’t go far enough and I was surprised he wasn’t shipped to another team by the trade deadline as a result. Memo to the Red Sox clubhouse staff: Don’t leave any knives laying around.

mcchicken2. That McChicken video

Around September a video surfaced unlike any video I’ve heard about. For obvious reasons,I will not post the video here because it’s way too graphic and it’s flat out gross and I want no part of it on my website.

The video is a man pleasuring himself with a McDonald’s McChicken sandwich and it caused an uproar in the internet community. As a matter of fact there are numerous reaction videos on YouTube to the video akin to Two Girls,One Cup when that came out in the late 2000s.

It’s bizarre that people go to that extreme to pleasure themselves in that way, it’s also bizarre that someone would actually take the time to film it.

16election1. The 2016 Election

Aside from this past election being the shittiest of my lifetime, it was also a bizarre one.

From the moron who eventually won the election to the 78 people who ran on the Republican side to the weird Ted Cruz video of him in high school wishing to make a teen tit film when he grows up to Hillary reading the word “sigh” off the teleprompter, this was as bizarre as it gets.

If that wasn’t enough,we had Trump supporters and protesters fighting with each other,we had family members on social media at odds with one another, people even unfriended each other over this election.

Overall,this election not only sucked,it shocked us to our very core and it chills me to think about these next four years because they’re going to suck.

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December 2016
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