From the T.J. the Sports Geek Quarantine Center and Expanded Shoe Closet

Top Eight Things The Government Doesn’t Want You to Know

8. There’s no such place as “West Virginia”

7. Eight of our last ten first ladies were secretly named Debbie

6. Pete Buttigieg is the result of a cross-breeding experiment between a man and an armoire

5. The reason Diet Dr. Pepper tastes like regular Dr. Pepper is because it is regular Dr. Pepper

4. You know that “Tiger King” show everyone loves? It was filmed by Bill Cosby

3. The Democrats are supposed to lose elections

2. Donald Trump isn’t the brightest candle in the room

1. Fifteen cents of every tax dollar goes to Kanye West