Welcome to my second favorite list of the year,my predictions list. This is my list of the things I’m predicting will happen for the coming new year,2018. For 2017,I was able to get 2 1/3 correct. DeMarcus Cousins got traded for a full prediction and my Connor McDavid prediction that he would win the Hart Trophy in the NHL was also true for a full prediction. The Browns winning the top overall pick was my 1/3 of a prediction as it was part of a catch-all sort of prediction. Here are my 10 predictions for what I’m hoping is a much better year.
10. Roy Moore will still not concede the Alabama Senate race
After losing the Senate race as a judicial pedophile, Roy Moore has yet to concede the race as of press time. I don’t think he ever will.
Never in my life have I seen such a sore loser regarding a close election loss and Moore’s continued claims that black people were bused in to vote and the like are laughable,not only that,but it also makes him seem racist and hints that he probably doesn’t believe they should have the right to vote.
Moore is such a clown, he does not need to be in public office ever again, nor does he need to be around anyone’s children.
9. Tomi Lahren and Colin Kaepernick will start dating
Conservative commentator and owner of an ugly soul Tomi Lahren has railed against NFL players for having first amendment rights with their protesting,namely former quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Her views have kind of outlined how she feels about black people.
I,however,don’t buy it and I actually think she’s secretly into black dudes and that secret will leak out next year when it’s revealed that she and Kaepernick are dating. This is obviously a King of Wishful Thinking prediction,but I don’t care. I so want Lahren to actually be into black dudes. She seems like the kind of girl who is and just needs to let that secret out,there’s no shame in it.
8. I will look a lot different than I did in 2017
There are things about myself I do like,my bald head,my beard,my glasses,and how tan most of my skin is. But there are other things I don’t care for. I don’t like being 50 pounds over my ideal weight and being out of shape and having back problems and issues breathing. I also wish my teeth were whiter.
Well 2018 is a great time to change a lot of this and I intend to do that. I am hoping to get down to 215 pounds by April, 205 by June,and hopefully to 200 by the end of the year. Getting into the 180-190s would also be welcome. Overall, I just want to look like a different guy and not be as unattractive as I currently am.
7. The quarterback the Cleveland Browns draft first overall will pull an “Eli Manning” and force a trade
The Browns have been bad for as long as we can all remember and as they stare an 0-16 season in the face and have yet another first overall pick, they’re probably going to be looking for a franchise quarterback after trading their second pick to the Eagles two years ago to select Carson Wentz.
Whoever that quarterback is,whether it be Sam Darnold,Josh Rosen,Baker Mayfield,or even Josh Allen, that player is not going to go there and will do what Eli Manning did when the Chargers drafted him and trade his draft rights to a team that’s not as terrible.
While I hated what Manning did, this time around if a player did this,I’d understand. The Browns are a garbage fire right now that’s not being extinguished anytime soon. They don’t draft well,scout well,play well,or aren’t even being coached well. Even their uniforms are god awful. Why anyone would want their career to die by Lake Erie is beyond me.
6. An effort for a “White Entertainment Channel” will gain traction and will die by year’s end
I’ve been hearing for years and years that white people need their own BET. What they don’t know is that they already exist,it’s called CMT.
In any case, a group of white people somewhere will try and start their own “White Entertainment Channel” and for a while,the idea will become popular since mainstream racism is and has been making a comeback for years. I do think, however, that it will die a bad death by the end of the year because when it comes down to it,it’s a dumb fucking idea and misses the point of why BET exists.
5. NFL throwback uniforms will make a comeback
Now that the NFL is bringing back some of the fun with touchdown celebrations coming back and being epic, I have a feeling that they won’t stop there.
With popularity waning with these poor little snowflakes getting their feelings hurt over the silent protests that are hurting exactly nobody physically, the league will try and make the league more appealing again. I think a good start is eliminating this stupid “one team,one color helmet shell” rule that prevents many of the league’s greatest throwback uniforms from being worn on game day.
Who wouldn’t to see Tom Brady and company in the Pat Patriot helmets once again? I’d also like to see Russell Wilson in the retro-Seahawks uniforms with the silver helmets and royal blue jerseys as well as Mike Evans in some Tampa Bay creamsicle jerseys with the white helmets and the gay pirate. The possibilities are endless and honestly, if you’re going to try and make this game great again, you should bring back these uniforms. Fans everywhere will thank you.
4. The following teams will not win a championship: Los Angeles Dodgers, Golden State Warriors,Toronto Maple Leafs
This prediction is probably going to be unpopular with a lot of people,but it’s also one where I could be right three times over.
The Dodgers showed last season that they were and are beatable. They may make the World Series again,but who’s to say an AL power like the Yankees, the Astros,or even the Red Sox won’t stop them? It’s possible and I just don’t see them getting there,nor do I want them to.
As for the Warriors, I don’t think they’re as good as they were last year,they’re beatable at home, they’ve been hurt,namely Steph Curry,and it’s looking like the league is beginning to catch up to them and the Cleveland Cavaliers. Now,it could be a Warriors/Cavs final again (I fucking hope not) and I think that Cleveland wins it. If it’s someone like the Celtics who get there,I like their chances. Now if a Western team upends them in the playoffs, I think the Rockets can do it.
The Maple Leafs are one of the hottest teams in hockey this year and many believe they could end their half-century long championship drought. Not so fast,kids. There are other teams in the East like the Lightning,Capitals,and even the Penguins who have recent success and experience in the postseason,not to mention teams out west who are just as good like the Sharks,the Ducks,and the Predators who might make a run. Also,I don’t want the Leafs to end the Canadian Stanley Cup drought, I want that honor to come from my Oilers.
3. Ike’s Love and Sandwiches will open a location in the Sacramento area
One discovery I made this year was a great sandwich place that’s in the Bay Area as well as Southern California called Ike’s Love and Sandwiches. If you haven’t been there and you’re in the area,make a trip down there. You’ll love it!
I myself have been there a few times and enjoy their food very much. I wish,however,that there was a location closer to me,the nearest one is in Davis,Calif. and that’s 40 miles away. I think that maybe this year they might open one here, I don’t know if they will for sure, but the wishful thinker in me hopes they do. I need some of that goodness in my life and at a reasonable distance.
2. Donald Trump will not finish the year as “President”
If you know me,I don’t like assholes and the thing I hate even more is a president who is an asshole and with the growing hatred of him and his approval ratings plunging faster than ever and clear evidence that he’s not mentally stable, I think he will either step down as president at his family’s urging, he will be impeached, or he will be removed from office via the 25th amendment.
I honestly don’t care how he gets removed,as long as he is. He isn’t making America great again, he isn’t a good person,he’s a racist,he isn’t what this country needs. Not to mention he plays way too much golf for someone that fat. He’s a giant waste of human life and is further proof as to why we should never elect someone without any prior experience for the job as the leader of this country. It’s the worst idea America has ever had and it needs to end before it gets any worse.
1. Tom Brady will announce that 2018 will be his final season
This prediction is one that I think I’m going to be right about and I think that next year will be Tom Brady’s last.
He’s going to be 41 heading into the 2018 season and if you’ve seen him this year,he doesn’t look as good as he has in past years. Sure,he’s been great,but not that great. He looks like his body has taken its toll on him and honestly, I think if he goes out on top in as good of shape as he can that it will benefit him as life goes on.
I love his spirit and his passion to want to play longer than usual,but this man has a family to think about and the rest of his life to look forward to and if we’ve learned anything from Peyton Manning,his longtime rival,it’s that all good things come to an end and that retiring on top isn’t such a bad thing.
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