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The Emptiness That Doesn’t Go Away

TJ614Today’s post is going to be a little different and I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

In life,we all go through changes. Some good,some bad, some welcome,some not so welcome. And then there’s the ones that keep coming and coming to the point where you don’t know what to do anymore,are lost,and to a point,you’re empty.

For me,there’s been way too much change to even be able to bear. In January I lost my father unexpectedly at our home at the age of 55. A month later my office manager,who was nice enough to hire a shlub like me and basically rescued me from the grocery business, announced his departure for a position in headquarters. For a while, I tried to take things in stride and do the best I could in the circumstances that I was in. Unfortunately I’m at a point now where so much has changed in such a small amount of time that I’ve had a hard time dealing with it and there’s such a big void that filling that emptiness is taking a long longer than I’ve imagined.

Make no mistake about it, losing my manager was hard. I really enjoyed working for him and he did everything he could to make sure we were content with our jobs and even our lives. He did a lot for me, he even spared me from working a Saturday in order for me to enjoy the Patriots-Ravens playoff game instead of cueing up my app on my phone to get updates. He even came to my father’s memorial when other bosses I had in past jobs wouldn’t have even known or cared about that loss. When people like that move on to bigger and better things,it’s not something to take personally,but at the same time you wish you had that person to work for one more day. With no disrespect to the new managers who have taken over, that’s my wish at this current time. I would work for him again in a heartbeat.

Losing my dad is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Dad meant a lot to me, to my siblings, to my mom,to my family,to all that knew him, to the people he cared about. I think it’s safe to say that he was the guy who,more than anyone else in my life, believed in me and wanted me to do well in whatever I did. Tomorrow marks eight months since his passing and the void left behind by him is a strong one. I miss so much about him. His ability to make me laugh even when I don’t want to. Him singing about his dog to his dog. His political opinions even if he went on and on about something I didn’t want to hear about…again.

Then there are the things I wonder about that have happened since he passed away. Like how he feels about me buying my first ever new car which I did at the end of March. How would he feel about the 2016 election process? Would he like my brother’s new house? I just wish I knew.

I wish I knew what other change was coming that may knock me off my hinges and if there was a way for me to brace for it properly. Sure,I’ll have another boss someday and I may even leave where I am and go to another office or headquarters at some point, but I only get one father.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life. I have a great job,I drive a very nice car, I have the best family and friends a guy could even ask for. Hell,I even have an annual pass to Disneyland. But there’s that emptiness there that isn’t going anywhere,and it absolutely sucks!

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September 2015
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