From the home office of T.J. the Sports Geek in downtown Orangevale, Calif.

Top Eight Signs You’re at a Bad 4th of July Barbecue

8.  The burgers on the grill have whiskers and a long tail.

7. Before eating the baked beans, a legal waiver is required to be signed

6. Hot dogs are covered in suntan lotion to avoid getting burned

5. It’s being held on a patch of Highway 50 median strip

4. Burgers are stuffed with red,white,and blue cheese

3. Host Tony Danza is singing a 20 minute song about pasta salad

2. Host’s “Firecracker chicken” idea has now consumed 4,300 acres

1. It’s on July 6