Top Eight Signs You’re Having a Bad Summer

8. It’s so hot, your plastic eyeglasses have melted on your face
7. Underneath your sunburn are six more sunburns
6. For the 12th year in a row, Lou Bega has canceled his summer tour (Lou Bega fans only)
5. You play professional baseball in Oakland
4. The kids are making fun of you for being too chicken to jump off the low diving board
3. You normally spend it traveling with your best friends Rodney King and Whitney Houston
2. Your “vacation home” is a ’99 Chevy Tahoe on cinder blocks
1. The only friend you’ve made this summer: Siri