I don’t know if I ever published this back in the day, but I wrote it in 2005 and decided to share it with you today! Enjoy!

From the offices of T.J. the Sports Geek in downtown Orangevale,Calif.

Top Eight Signs You’re Not Going to Win the Boston Marathon

8. Frequent smoke breaks cutting into precious racing time

7. Bad idea to just “duck into” LensCrafters to get new glasses

6. You’re running the Minneapolis Marathon,silly!

5. At the four mile mark, one of your stiletto heels snaps off

4. Your favorite words in the English language are “more”, “ribs”,and “Please”

3. You’re surprised to learn that you cannot ride your pet mule in the marathon

2. Your doctor tells you that you’re so out of shape, you wouldn’t even last through a Full House marathon

1. Instead of having the eye of the tiger, you’re blind as a fruitbat.