From the home office at tjthesportsgeek.com in downtown Orangevale,Calif., where we’re now available for curbside pickup and delivery.

Top Eight Signs You’ve Gone to a Bad Spa

8. Name of spa includes “Interstate 80” or “Fantasy”

7. Rudy Giuliani won’t leave the whirlpool

6. Hot springs connected to drain from nearby Long John Silver’s

5. That is definitely not mud in the mud baths

4. The shower shoes are just empty boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups

3. Manager claims that the smell of gasoline in the room is a form of aromatherapy

2. Your masseuse? A cat making bread

1. Everywhere you look- Trump!